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Waiting

 

            I enjoy the various opportunities that come my way.  I am grateful for the rather wide-ranging reading I am able to do.  But I also appreciate the daily discipline of using the lectionary to guide some devotional time coupled with reflection time.  As I have mentioned in the past, I use the daily lectionary (fixed readings) from my Benedictine monastic friends.  I like the fact that I am reading the same scripture in the mornings that monks across the land are reading.   

            The lectionary keeps my rhythm in place and manages a focus for me that I don’t have to give thought.  As with all discipline, the only issue is whether I do it.  The planning is done for me.  The question is my execution.  A discipline is not meant to be onerous or rigid.  I am convinced most effective disciplines are the ones we choose to take on and live in daily lives. 

            When I turned to today’s morning readings from the lectionary, there was the usual selection from the Psalms.  That is one of the nice things about the Benedictine lectionary; there are always Psalms.  I did not grow up with much familiarity of the Psalms, so I appreciate the daily dose of this magnificent Old Testament book.  Recently, one of the Psalms for the morning was Psalm 63.

            The Morning Prayer time when the monks first gather is early---before the sun comes up.  In fact, my friends at Gethsemani Abbey in Kentucky begin their day at 3:15am!  As I began the morning Psalm reading, it was obvious why it was placed at this time.   The Psalmist begins: “O God, you are my God, I watch for you from the dawn.” (63:1)

            Part of using these Psalms is not to race through the reading.  Instead, they are usually read slowly and, often, in Gregorian chant.  They are meant to be read meditatively and reflectively.  So when I read this first line, I stopped to ponder it.  I was intrigued by how personal the Psalmist made it.  The Psalmist says, “you are my God.”  I do not think that is meant possessively.  It is more in the vein of the familiar.  It is more that the Psalmist is saying something like, “Hey God, it is me; you know me and I know you.”

            The next part of that sentence was a good point for me.  The Psalmist says, “I watch for you from the dawn.”  I experienced that line as a challenge and an inspiration.  The style of the Psalmist is different than most of us.  I can hear the Psalmist saying, “It is my commitment to get up and begin the waiting for God.”  I suspect most of us assume it is God’s role to show up when we want it!  I think the Psalmist has priorities in place.  He is human; God is God.  It is the human role to get ready for God.

            This prompted me to reflect on my own human role in relating to the Holy One.  The first thing that occurred to me is to doubt that I have the close, personal relationship with God that seems to be the case for the Psalmist.  I could rationalize it and say that the Psalmist was advanced and knew that he had to write scripture.  But that does nothing but take me off the hook.  Nothing is gained by going that direction.

            It really means I have not done enough relational work to be as close to the Holy One.  To say that is not to head down the road of a guilt trip.  Rather it is meant to challenge and inspire me to get going down the road of my choice: a closer relationship with God.  The Psalmist inspires me in three ways.  I will posture myself to be waiting, watching and willing.

            By getting up and preparing to greet the Divinity, the Psalmist positions himself by waiting.  I like to think it is expectant waiting.  The Psalmist does not wonder whether God will show up.  Rather, the Psalmist waits in order to be there and be present when God shows up.  That seems prudent to me.  Waiting is the spiritual antidote to impatience.

            The Psalmist not only is prepared to wait for the Holy One, he is ready to watch for the appearing of God.  Getting ready to greet the Divine One is not always easy.  God does not just walk into the room like some other human being.  I think God “appears” to us in many different guises.  Sometimes it might be coming in the person of a friend or mentor.  I have to be able to see the other and to see God in him or her.  Sometimes God appears in the beauty or majesty of nature---the sunrise or sunset.  Sometimes it is a song or a sign.  I have to wait and to watch.

            Finally, I have to be willing.  I have to be willing to engage the Divinity when I have that opportunity.  I know that God wants it from me.  I have to be willing for it to happen.  I am not God’s puppet.  And God is not my puppet.  There is a grace to the Divine-human encounter and relationship.  I am continuing to learn that grace.  It is a gift, but I cannot be grabby!

            One little verse has made my day.  That is true, but it has made my day only if I learn from it and execute it.  I will wait, watch and become willing.

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