Practicing Grace

I am sure I have written a few times about grace.  When I did some regular pastoral ministry, I told the congregation I only believed three or four things.  Everything I told them and tried to teach them would be variations on the three or four themes.  They always laughed, but it was more true than they thought.  One of the three or four themes I believe in is grace.  I am sure I have it as a central tenet of mine because I am still trying to learn more about it and, importantly, to practice it.

You can imagine my delight when I spotted a headline of an article that read, “Practicing grace benefits other people and builds community.  It’s also the original self-care.”  I was compelled to read it.  The article was by Kirsten Powers, whom I do not know.  Within the article I saw a book entitled, Saving Grace, by her.  It is a book I plan to buy and read.  I also discovered that Powers is a senior political analyst for CNN, as well as a USA columnist.  I was intrigued by what she can teach me.

I like the way she begins her essay.  She says, “Grace is what makes human coexistence possible.”  She claims all relationships---at least thriving ones---necessitate grace.  As I think about it, I agree with her.  Good relationships are not perfect relationships.  Good relationships are those that grow, change and can survive the bumps of our lives.  Every one of us knows we are not perfect.  And yet too often, perfection is what we expect of the other person.  Realistically, we know it won’t work if the other person has to be perfect.  

Another thing Powers tells us is “True grace is otherworldly.”  Certainly for myself, God is the One who is the ultimate gracious one.  I know grace means gift.  It is always given to us---even if we give it to ourselves.  Grace typically comes to us as gift even when we don’t deserve it.  But often, grace is not easy.  Powers insightfully reminds us that “It goes against every instinct we have to seek revenge for wrongs or to shame and humiliate people who have acted immorally or unethically.”  Instinctually, we don’t do grace.  Probably most of us have to learn grace and learn to be gracious.

Delightfully, Powers suggest that “Grace is giving other people space to not be you.”  I am drawn to the idea of giving other people some space.  More often, we have heard folks psychologically say someone invaded their space.  Most of us know this experience of having someone crowded in too close.  We are made to feel uneasy, vulnerable.  Grace is the opposite.  It is the giving of space.  Being graceful allows others to feel easy and safe.  Grace is restorative, refreshing and the like.

Then Powers picks up an idea that was in her title.  She affirms that “Grace is the original self-care.”  In this sense it is basic.  I suspect that we cannot love ourselves or value ourselves if we don’t have some grace.  Let’s look at how Powers develops the notion of grace as self-care.  Grace “shushes the hectoring inner critic that tells us we are too much, too little, too fat, too thin, too good, and not good enough.”  She is reminding us that grace is non-judgmental.  I am sure Powers does not think that means it does not matter what we do or how we think.  Appropriately, we can make judgments about ourselves; but we should not become judgmental.  She adds,  “Grace invites us off the hedonic treadmill of relentless achievement and success, which never delivers the happiness it promises.”  

Powers is correct when she recognizes that practicing grace can be difficult.  This is why I believe we have to learn to do it and then it requires practicing.  I think she is right when she says, “It’s something we love to receive, but often the last thing most of us want to offer.”  She quotes one of the people I follow, Philip Yancey who suggests too many of us practice what he calls, “ungrace.”  This means “withholding that which the world desperately needs.”  This is true (sadly) when we look at our world.  Whether it is politics, vaccines or so many other issues, people are very good at being un-gracious.  No wonder the world is a snarling kind of place.  Sometimes, it seems the only time folks are happy is when someone else loses or fails.  Remember, we seem to do this instinctually.  We need to learn grace and practice it.

I don’t despair and neither does Power.  There is hope.  She ends her essay with this note of hope.  “…I think most of us realize on some level that we are made for more than the way we are living right now.”  I agree.  I would think any honest person would say that they could do better.  We are made for more than the way we are living now.  We need new hearts.  But the good news is we don’t need heart transplants.  Our own hearts are sufficient for the acquisition and practice of grace. 

The key is to begin.  Most of us know how to do it.  We have done it before.  We start with small steps.  It requires a little intentionality.  Positively, it could be as small as holding the door for someone or simply smiling.  It asks us to stop when we think we have been wronged and make a decision for grace.  Become aware of the little things in your day and finds small steps in practicing grace.  It takes quite a bit of practice to develop a habit.  Reflect on your actions. Become aware of those opportunities you could have practiced grace, but didn’t.  Resolve to do it next time.

I can do it; we can do it.  The good news is we will be better people for having done it.  And the world will also be better.  

https://www.ncronline.org/news/opinion/practicing-grace-benefits-other-people-and-builds-community-its-also-original-self-care