To Care or Not to Care

One of the things I hope I can always remember is to pay attention.  How many times we hear parents, teachers, bosses, and others tell someone to “pay attention now.”  The implication---and often it is true---is that we have not been paying attention.  Perhaps it even implies that seldom do we pay attention or that routinely we do not pay attention.  Again, this may be true for myself and, probably, for many others, too.

If there is one thing the whole focus on spirituality has taught me, it is that paying attention usually is one of the factors in any spiritual growth.  Without this attention, we are left with little else than God’s grace or our own luck.  Either or both would be nice…but you cannot count on either one.  Paying attention is a good alternative.

Now I do not think any of us can “pay attention” in an intense, focused way all the time.  It is not quite the same thing as concentration.  There are times concentration is a particular form of paying attention.  For example, if I am undertaking the spiritual discipline of study, then one feature of paying attention probably is concentrating on what I am reading.

However, there are times when I am paying attention, even though I may not be concentrating.  I would describe this at “attentiveness.”  It has the aspect of alertness to it.  It requires less effort than concentration, but it is “in the game,” so to speak.  Attentiveness means that I won’t miss something that happens or something someone might say.

Just such an experience occurred for me this morning.  I was listening to a woman speak.  I did not know her.  In fact, her speaking was rather incidental to what was going on at the time.  But she said something that I am glad to have caught.  And without my attentiveness, I would have missed it.

She was talking about the sad state of affairs for one of her friends.  She talked about some health problems which were made worse by the fact that her friend was not really taking care of herself.  Nothing new here, although obviously it is sad to hear.  

And then this woman made the comment that pricked my ears.  She said something to the effect that “it is much more difficult to take care of yourself when you are discouraged.”  This struck me as true.  And I had never thought about it before she said it.  

If any one of us is discouraged, it probably is much more difficult to care for ourselves.  In fact, it is easy to see why discouragement leads to an attitude of “I don’t care.”  And if I am deeply discouraged, perhaps it is true that “I couldn’t care less.”

And so with this kind of discouraged attitude, I can see why someone with problems might actually do things to make it worse.  If I couldn’t care less, then the whole affair---even life itself---seems pretty hopeless. If I couldn’t care less, then my destiny probably seems doomed and maybe even damned!  Once we are in this state, indeed only divine grace or luck can rescue us.

So this is what my attentiveness brought me this morning.  What it did not bring was an answer.  What is an answer in the face of this kind of discouragement which seems hopeless…hopelessness which then gives way to the probability that one’s situation likely will continue spiraling downhill?  

In a word I believe the answer is “heart.”  That may seem like a funny answer unless you know that the core word of “courage” is “heart.”  In French it is coeur.  So, discouragement means loss of heart.

And if I want to help someone who is discouraged, I need to help him or her find his or her heart.  It is the heart that enables us to care…and to take care.  To care or not to care…it’s a matter of heart.