Helped by a Buddhist

While I have been clear I locate myself within the Christian tradition and, more specifically, the Quaker piece of that tradition, it does not mean I am not open to help from other major traditions.  To the contrary.  I have been given insight, encouragement and advice from many of the traditions.  Quickly, I can think of Abraham Joshua Heschel’s amazing range of work on the prophets, prayer and many other topics.  When I travelled in India, I spent a fair amount of time with the Sikh community and found them wonderfully hospitable and communally focused.

It was with this background I recently read some things by the well-known American Buddhist, Pema Chodron.  She was describing life in our American culture and how the Buddhist perspective and practice can be a real help in the midst of the chaos and confusion that often characterizes current life.  Let me share a few tips from the Buddhist sister, if I may.  

I like the way she talks about what I will call the frenzy of our lives.  Maybe folks who are retired escape this, but I am not even sure about that, as I listen to my friends who are retired.  Perhaps the lazy ones escape frenzy, but I wonder if laziness itself is not a form of frenzy?  We claim we are looking for happiness, satisfaction and other laudable things like that.  I am certainly not against happiness and satisfaction, but I am not confident most people know how to find these---long term anyway.  Chodron speaks to this when she says, “We keep moving around seeking pleasure, seeking comfort, and the satisfaction that we get is very short-lived.”

She describes this kind of predicament as a place of stuckness.  Since we feel like we are moving around and moving on, it is surprising to hear we might be stuck.  This is a big deal.  Listen to her advice.  “The process of becoming unstuck requires tremendous bravery, because basically we are completely changing our way of perceiving reality, like changing our DNA.”  I am a little leery when someone says it requires bravery.  Honestly, I don’t know that many of us are very brave.  We would like to think we are and, perhaps, pretend we are.  But bottom line I am less sure.  This is true for me, too!  

Probably because she feels the same way, Chodron next offers some tips how we might become brave enough to make some progress.  Like all good Buddhists, she opts for what is called the “Middle Way.”  In a spirituality context, this means avoiding extremes.  Some are prone to strict asceticism---which means discipline.  We even see this in our secular context when people go crazy with fasting, running, etc.  The other extreme is indulgence.  Indulgence can be things like food, smoking—anything that overly honors excess and too much.  I am encouraged when Chodron tells me, “The middle way encourages us to awaken the bravery that exists in everyone without exception, including you and me.”  

We can do this through some meditation.  If we are Christian, we might prefer prayer.  The key is to begin and to build a new habit.  Begin small.  Be willing to start again, if and when we fail.  She offers another helpful hint for me when she talks about “less desire.”  I know within Buddhism, desire is something to watch out for.  As a Christian, I argue desire is natural to being human.  Desire is nothing more than energy.  In itself, desire is not bad.  But it can take us bad places.  Desire can lead to attachments (and these are what Buddhists and Christians say are the problem and, sometimes, leads to addiction.  Talking about less desire is a way of encouraging us to monitor our desires.  We don’t always have go with what we desire.

Chodron moves to another theme when she describes contentment.  As I think about that word, contentment is related to peace and satisfaction.  People who are content are not frenzied; they are not chasing around many things.  I like Chodron’s reminder.  “When we have nothing, we have nothing to lose.” (4)  The more we have---materially or psychologically---the more we can worry about losing it.  She can help us learn to be content with where we are.  It does not freeze us in the moment; we can still grow and thrive.  But that need not be a frenzied quest.  This is related to another tip she offers: avoid unnecessary activities.  This might sound difficult for Americans.  Too often, we pride ourselves as master multi-taskers.  But that’s an illusion.  Scientists tell us multi-tasking is not mentally possible.  We are multi-switchers!

The last thing I share from Pema Chodron has to do with who we are---identity.  I recall many years ago reading psychologist Karen Horney, who talked about an idealized self.  Many of us don’t see ourselves realistically; we have an idealized self we imagine ourselves to be.  Chodron offers a relieving way out of this idealized trap, since that idealized self cannot possibly be.  Chodron says, “We can gradually drop our ideals of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be.”

Reading this allows me to breath out and find some hope that I can spend my time becoming the person God wants me to be.  After all, this is the person I also want to be.  It won’t be ideal, but a fully real, authentic self.  I won’t be perfect, but I will be perfectly acceptable---with the grace of God and understanding of others.  All this seems possible and now preferable.

Thanks to some help from a Buddhist.