As Americans, we enter the Thanksgiving season. Already people are
wishing me a “happy Thanksgiving.” I am delighted with that greeting.
And I would be delighted if someone next week wishes me a “happy
Monday.” But I guess Mondays are supposed to be normal…not so happy, not
so awful.
I am not sure I do major holidays very well. I am not
against them. They celebrate important events in national, religious,
and often personal lives. Thanksgiving is an American deal. In Turkey it
is just another weekday! As an American, I welcome it. And I hope it is
happy.
I am confident one of the reasons I am not sure about
major holidays is the trickiness of expectations. For example,
Thanksgiving is supposed to be “happy.” Christmas is supposed to be
“merry” and, of course, we return to the “happy” theme for New Years.
Clearly, for too many people there are too many lousy things going on to
gear up to be “happy” and “merry.” Holiday expectations are tricky
things.
The truth is Thanksgiving lasts one day. It is here and
it is gone. Even if one adds “Black Friday,” that is only two days.
Since I am not a shopper and, certainly, not a shop-till-I-drop person,
Friday is not part of the deal. No one ever has wished me a “Happy Black
Friday!”
I am glad Thanksgiving is here. And I am glad it is one
day and then it is over till another year. And I hope I am happy…and
you, too.
In reality I am more interested in how Thanksgiving can
become a way of life. In fact, I think we should not capitalize it. I
want my way of life to be one of thanksgiving. That gets me at the
spiritual roots of my life and how I want those roots to issue a way of
life for which I can say, “thanks.” And I hope my way of life becomes
such that others can say, “thank you.”
Both those qualities are
necessary for my understanding of thanksgiving as a way of life. I need
to be able to say, “thanks,” and to have others respond genuinely with
their “thank you.” If I am only concerned with a way of life for which I
give “thanks,” I fear it may be a way of life rooted in self-interest.
If I get all I want, then I will be thankful. But some of what I might
want may come at the expense of others. And surely, they are not going
to say, “thank you.”
On the other hand, if I live only to get
your “thank you,” I may be nothing more than your servant or, worse,
doormat! You happily say, “thank you,” but I certainly am not saying,
“thanks.”
The good news is that kind of thanksgiving is a way of
life. I don’t have to pull it off by the weekend. Like music or sports, I
will probably have to practice a fair amount. There is time. Perhaps,
the real question is not whether I am succeeding, but am I making
progress?
How will I know if I am making progress? Likely, there
are many ways to measure it, but let me offer two. I will be making
progress if I am more loving---more loving than I was last week and last
Thanksgiving. Sometimes that is not easy---there are so many
ding-a-lings out there! And of course, most people are not as loveable
as I am!
The second measure is if I am more graceful. I am not
thinking of gymnasts and ballerinas. Grace is always a gift. If I am
more graceful, I am more giving---perhaps, more forgiving. If I can be
more graceful, more giving, then people are more likely to say, “thank
you.”
Due to the Thanksgiving Holiday, I will return to writing on Monday, November 30th.
Those of us who have read theology or, perhaps, those who are people of faith and are old enough might well recognize this title as a reminder of the late Jewish philosopher and theologian, Martin Buber. I remember reading Buber’s book, I and Thou , when I was in college in the 1960s. It was already a famous book by then. I am not sure I fully understood it, but that would not be the last time I read it. It has been a while since I looked at the book. Buber came up in a conversation with a friend who asked if I had seen the recent article by David Brooks? I had not seen it, but when I was told about it, I knew I would quickly locate and read that piece. I very much like what Brooks decides to write about and what he contributes to societal conversation. I wish more people read him and took him seriously. ...
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