Recently I became aware of a new research institute which focuses on young people. Since I spend much of my time with that age group, I am always interested in what others are discovering and how they can better do my job. The name of the group is Springtide Research Institute. The Institute was created in 2018 to study and focus on youth 13-25. My eye was caught by a study they did that was interested in the issue of young people, religion and their experience particularly in the pandemic. In the process they offered something positive, which they labeled “relational authority.” I don’t know that I have heard this term, but I relate to it. I want to share the gist of what this means.
Rather than quote from the Institute’s lengthy publication, I refer to Lucy Grindon’s wonderful summary of the study. Grindon begins with this telling fact, “Young people — including those who are religious — do not see religious leaders as trusted adults, according to a new study.” In my own research and writing, I know how important trust is for building teams and groups. Grindon does not claim young people don’t trust, but they don’t trust adults. Clearly, young people in this age group see their peer group as key to their own lives. Often it is the peer group that forms their identity.
Identity is an important issue for me, since I follow psychiatrist, Gerald May, in holding that identity, along with belonging and meaning, form the core concepts in being human. One of the features of the pandemic is our problem with routine being messed up. One major consequence of this is so many folks are dealing with loneliness. Sadly, loneliness strikes at the heart of both belonging and meaning.
Grindon does well to inform us that the study “indicates that young people who have more adult mentors are more likely to feel a sense of meaning and purpose, and less likely to be lonely.” I smile because I could even say someone at my age who simply has a friend is more likely to feel that sense of meaning and purpose and be less lonely. I can only imagine what being sixteen is like! She points out one more rather obvious fact. “The study argues that close, trusting mentor-mentee relationships are key to mitigating isolation among youths and having lasting influence in their lives.”
Here is where it gets very interesting for me. For those of us who work with young people and, especially in the church, the key is relational ministry. Take it out of a church context and we can simply say the key is relationships---often relationships with adults. This reminds me of what I have said so many times. One of the things I am most grateful for is the great adult friends my own two girls had as they grew up. I am confident those adult friends taught them and helped them in ways I never could have done.
The way to approach this is from what the authors call relational authority. No doubt because of my own Quaker perspective, I have some hesitancy around the language of authority, but I recognize authority is real. I have it in the classroom and in some relationships. Finally, the question is not “whether” there is authority, but “what kind of” authority. This is where the idea of relationship comes in. Grindon summarizes five aspects of this kind of relational authority.
These five are “listening, transparency, integrity, care and expertise.” I will make a quick comment about each of these. Listening is different than hearing someone. Listening is patient and participatory. It makes the other person feel like they belong. Along with listening comes transparency. It is to ask ourself whether the other person can really “see” us? Do I reveal myself or am I hiding? Too many adults hide behind their authority, their rules and the like. No wonder young folks don’t need us and don’t want anything to do with us.
Integrity is a big one. Having written a book on this, I can sum up the issue in integrity is whether I am consistent between word and deed. Street language calls it “walking the talk.” It is about ethics, but it is more than that. Integrity is life and is where the meaning originates for all of us. The fourth facet is care. It sounds so easy to say, “I care,” but too often those are only words. Our action may communicate, “I couldn’t care less.” Once again, to care for someone is to participate in their lives. It includes listening and a whole host of other things. Words are only one form of caring. Think about the people in your life who care about you. What do you get from them? Care communicates value to the other person---you value them.
The final facet is expertise. This one feels the oddest in the group. But this is where I connect it to the idea of authority. Authorities should bring some knowledge and wisdom to the task of relationship. Compared to someone who is younger, we are likely to have some expertise which comes from our experience. There is a whole world of young people who would love to have a friendship with someone who has this gift.
Maybe now is a special time to share this gift with some young folks. Make a difference in a life.
Those of us who have read theology or, perhaps, those who are people of faith and are old enough might well recognize this title as a reminder of the late Jewish philosopher and theologian, Martin Buber. I remember reading Buber’s book, I and Thou , when I was in college in the 1960s. It was already a famous book by then. I am not sure I fully understood it, but that would not be the last time I read it. It has been a while since I looked at the book. Buber came up in a conversation with a friend who asked if I had seen the recent article by David Brooks? I had not seen it, but when I was told about it, I knew I would quickly locate and read that piece. I very much like what Brooks decides to write about and what he contributes to societal conversation. I wish more people read him and took him seriously. ...
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