Four Soul Friends

I lead a small group of people in considering soul work.  We explore what it is and, more importantly, how to do it.  I have long been interested in these questions and expect I will likely die before I get all the answers.  I am not even sure what “all” the answers might even be.  I like the process of talking and exploring so much, I would hate to have it end because we figured out all the answers!

Fairly early in the process, I realized there was an idea called soul friends.  I likely ran into this when I read Kenneth Leech’s book by that name, which was published in 1992.  Leech’s book is a primer on spiritual direction.  I was ok with the idea of spiritual direction if it were between two or more people who were friends and seeking the best for each other in the Spirit.  In fact, that idea excited me.  It has been a long time since I read that book and probably cannot recall much from it.  But the idea of soul friends continues to pique my interest.

And so, I continue to do soul work.  In a recent gathering it serendipitously turned out only four of us showed up.  Normally the group is made up of a few folks whom I have known for a long time.  Mixed in with them is a small number of very recent college graduates and a couple other people I barely know.  So this group of four proved to be refreshing because we all know each other.  

When a group like that gathers, it is difficult to resist general chit chat.  We like being together so much, it turns into a rambling, but interesting to us, conversation.  At some point, however, we jumped into a very short article we were going to discuss.  I could go on about the article and the neat things we uncovered, but that is not the point here.  The point is actually us---the four soul friends.

As we explored the idea of soul, we realized we were talking about ourselves---as well as the rest of humanity.  Since humanity is a very big topic (!), we figured the four of us are a decent representation and so whatever we learned about each other may apply more universally.  One of the profound realizations to me is quite simple, but has far-reaching implications.  We like each other.  Each of us likes the other three.  It means no matter how you might align us, the dominate fact is we like each other.  It probably is not even a stretch to say we love each other.

Obviously, that is a nice experience---to be with someone or a few who love you.  But at the more important level, we become a sign of what is possible for all of humanity.  In New Testament language, we become signs of the kingdom come.  The kingdom is where people are united in love and in the Spirit with each other.  In this situation there would be minimal conflict and no war.  Peace would be highly likely, and troubles would be negotiated and mitigated.  

One of the ways I like to define soul follows the late psychiatrist and writer in spirituality, Gerald May, who says soul is the essence of the person.  In this sense soul is the very core of who we are---the “me,” if you will.  To know the real you is to know your soul---or maybe better, to know you in a soulful way.  It is only from this place of soul are we able to love appropriately and deeply.  Otherwise, we may be loving some image of the other person or, even, of God.  

I watched us that evening.  We listened to each other.  We paid attention and didn’t interrupt.  Everyone has a voice and we heard those voices.  The piece we were going to discuss had talked about soul as having to do with love.  There is no surprise here.  Perhaps the closest we get to our souls is when we love in that appropriate and deep sense.  The author Umair Haque also says that love and soul means we see each other.  

Obviously, this seeing goes beyond the merely literal.  He means seeing in a more metaphorical---perhaps deeper sense.  It was easy in this group to acknowledge that we think we see each other in this way.  Probably none of us can fully explain what that means.  In other language we claim that we feel known and that we know each other.  I suppose this is what folks means when they admit that they are not hiding or feel distanced.  To see another person is to see and know him or her at a deep, transparent level.

The author even used the imagery of being naked.  That fits---even with everyone fully clothed.  Of course, in a situation that does not feel safe and comfortable, one would immediately feel exposed and probably vulnerable.  That is what an unsafe world does to us!  We feel like we could be hurt---and often we are hurt.  This escalates into the violence and war that we sadly see in our contemporary world.

The four soul friends had a wonderful hour.  If you simply observed that hour, it would be easy to conclude nothing special happened.  In fact it would hardly seem like a big deal at all.  And yet for the four of us, it was special, touching, assuring and very heartening.  We were confident we had seen and been seen.  We were known.  With that comes a sense of having been cared for and kept, so that the world has nothing better to offer.

We had it all---for a while….just four soul friends.