Recently, I had occasion to read the little essay, “Besieged,” in David Whyte’s wonderful book, Consolations. Appearing in 2015, this book is full of Whyte’s reflections on common words and what they can mean to us. The subtitle of his book points to what he is trying to do: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning. Most of the words he chooses for reflection are very common words, like alone, fear, etc. Occasionally he chooses a word like besieged, which I recognize not all folks probably know for sure what it means.
So let me clarify that besieged means to be surrounded and captured. This is particularly true of a place. It would not be unusual to hear someone describing history and say something like, “the fort was besieged by a large number of troops.” If you are inside the fort, you are in trouble! Then the word has a larger context to talk about life, as too many of us experience it. We feel besieged. We are surrounded by people constantly wanting stuff from us. We feel harassed. People won’t leave us alone. We feel oppressed. And so it goes…on and on.
I smile when I type the opening words of Whyte’s reflection. He simply comments, “Besieged is how most people feel most of the time…” (27) That is a strong statement, which makes me hope it is not entirely true. And yet, as I talk with folks, that is how most seem to be feeling. Life feels overwhelming. There are demands of the job, of family, of the kids and so it goes. If we find ourselves in the middle of a pandemic, it only gets worse---far worse. We want out! We wish it would all go away. But it won’t.
Then Whyte makes an important point, albeit a little surprising. Feeling besieged, we are tempted to want something else. But that has its price. Listen to what he says. “Besieged as we are, little wonder that men and women alternate between the dream of a place apart, untouched by the world and then wanting to be wanted again in that aloneness.” (29) I laugh. Yep, that’s true. I want people to leave me alone and then I get scared they might leave me alone! Maybe I don’t even know what I want!
Actually, I want both of these, as probably most folks do. It is not an either/or, but more like a balancing act. This is where is gets to be a spiritual issue for me. And it implicates an aspect of spiritual discipline. Before going there, however, let’s finish Whyte’s thinking on the process. I very much like how he finishes his essay. He notes, “We find that having people knock on our door is as much a privilege as it is a burden; that being seen, being recognized and being wanted by the world and having a place in which to receive everyone and everything, is infinitely preferable to its opposite.” (30)
I am intrigued by the idea of people knocking on my door. Of course, he does not mean this always in a literal sense. Folks “knock” on my door through texts, emails and all that electronic means more than they literally pound on my door. Not surprisingly, our computers and phones come with all sorts of bells and sounds to let us know we are being touched again…and again. They can be both welcome and distracting. As Whyte recognizes, it is both a privilege and a burden.
Again, balance is the key. My worst fear is no one would ever knock. No one wants to think about being pushed to the margin of life, to become irrelevant or, even worse, forgotten. No one wants to hear the whole world say, “I couldn’t care less.” Effectively, that would make me a nobody. Nobody wants to be a nobody! If I am feeling besieged, then this is a signal that the balance is out of whack. The knocking on my door has become more of a burden than a privilege. Probably the key is finding a way to say no, or maybe better, not yet.
This is difficult for many of us because it feels risky. We feel like we may be risking the chance we have for someone to be interested in us. We fear if we say, “not yet,” the other person will hear a “never” and never be back. We will be condemned to being alone and, finally, lonely. Most of us would prefer to be seen, recognized and have a place, even if we wind up feeling besieged from it---at least from time to time.
Again, balance is the key. And one more piece I would add. I wonder if knocking on the door is also not the way God usually deals with us. I don’t see God as someone who kicks in the door. More often, I think there is a divine knock. We can open if we choose. I think part of the way we discover and cultivate balance is to learn to discern when God is knocking. If we open to that, it will never feel like being besieged.
In fact, spending some time with the Holy One---particularly, on a regular basis---should keep us aligned with who we really want to be and how we really want to act. It will help us keep balance. We will be less inclined to swing between the extremes of feeling harassed and needy. We won’t have to fear being alone nor feel overwhelmed by everybody demanding things from me.
Balance is a good way to deal with feeling besieged.
So let me clarify that besieged means to be surrounded and captured. This is particularly true of a place. It would not be unusual to hear someone describing history and say something like, “the fort was besieged by a large number of troops.” If you are inside the fort, you are in trouble! Then the word has a larger context to talk about life, as too many of us experience it. We feel besieged. We are surrounded by people constantly wanting stuff from us. We feel harassed. People won’t leave us alone. We feel oppressed. And so it goes…on and on.
I smile when I type the opening words of Whyte’s reflection. He simply comments, “Besieged is how most people feel most of the time…” (27) That is a strong statement, which makes me hope it is not entirely true. And yet, as I talk with folks, that is how most seem to be feeling. Life feels overwhelming. There are demands of the job, of family, of the kids and so it goes. If we find ourselves in the middle of a pandemic, it only gets worse---far worse. We want out! We wish it would all go away. But it won’t.
Then Whyte makes an important point, albeit a little surprising. Feeling besieged, we are tempted to want something else. But that has its price. Listen to what he says. “Besieged as we are, little wonder that men and women alternate between the dream of a place apart, untouched by the world and then wanting to be wanted again in that aloneness.” (29) I laugh. Yep, that’s true. I want people to leave me alone and then I get scared they might leave me alone! Maybe I don’t even know what I want!
Actually, I want both of these, as probably most folks do. It is not an either/or, but more like a balancing act. This is where is gets to be a spiritual issue for me. And it implicates an aspect of spiritual discipline. Before going there, however, let’s finish Whyte’s thinking on the process. I very much like how he finishes his essay. He notes, “We find that having people knock on our door is as much a privilege as it is a burden; that being seen, being recognized and being wanted by the world and having a place in which to receive everyone and everything, is infinitely preferable to its opposite.” (30)
I am intrigued by the idea of people knocking on my door. Of course, he does not mean this always in a literal sense. Folks “knock” on my door through texts, emails and all that electronic means more than they literally pound on my door. Not surprisingly, our computers and phones come with all sorts of bells and sounds to let us know we are being touched again…and again. They can be both welcome and distracting. As Whyte recognizes, it is both a privilege and a burden.
Again, balance is the key. My worst fear is no one would ever knock. No one wants to think about being pushed to the margin of life, to become irrelevant or, even worse, forgotten. No one wants to hear the whole world say, “I couldn’t care less.” Effectively, that would make me a nobody. Nobody wants to be a nobody! If I am feeling besieged, then this is a signal that the balance is out of whack. The knocking on my door has become more of a burden than a privilege. Probably the key is finding a way to say no, or maybe better, not yet.
This is difficult for many of us because it feels risky. We feel like we may be risking the chance we have for someone to be interested in us. We fear if we say, “not yet,” the other person will hear a “never” and never be back. We will be condemned to being alone and, finally, lonely. Most of us would prefer to be seen, recognized and have a place, even if we wind up feeling besieged from it---at least from time to time.
Again, balance is the key. And one more piece I would add. I wonder if knocking on the door is also not the way God usually deals with us. I don’t see God as someone who kicks in the door. More often, I think there is a divine knock. We can open if we choose. I think part of the way we discover and cultivate balance is to learn to discern when God is knocking. If we open to that, it will never feel like being besieged.
In fact, spending some time with the Holy One---particularly, on a regular basis---should keep us aligned with who we really want to be and how we really want to act. It will help us keep balance. We will be less inclined to swing between the extremes of feeling harassed and needy. We won’t have to fear being alone nor feel overwhelmed by everybody demanding things from me.
Balance is a good way to deal with feeling besieged.
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