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Dealing With Expectations

For some time, I have wondered about the relationship of hope and expectation.  I have given quite a bit of thought to the theme of hope.  I have been asked to speak about it.  I have a Hope chapter in a couple books I have written.  It is enough to dupe some folks into thinking I am a hope expert and I still feel like a rookie!  I am not even sure I do hope very well for myself.

​Expectations are the kind of things everyone has had.  Even the person in absolute despair probably has expectations, namely, there is no hope.  Somehow I don’t think expectations are the same thing as hopes.  But I am not ready to publish a book on it.  Then I read a book.  The book is by a New Zealander, Ceri Evans, who is a psychiatrist.  He has researched in the area of high performance.  What makes an individual or team capable of high performance?  He entitled the book, Perform Under Pressure.

​I was delighted when I found three or four pages in that book that dealt with expectation.  Evans gave me new things about which to think.  While there has to be much more to say on this topic, let’s cut to the heart of it for me.  One of the earlier things Evans says is that catastrophizing one response we often do when confronted by the unknown---the future.  How well I know that one!  Someone gets a little news and they think they are going to die.  Physicians must deal with this quite often.  
That phenomenon takes some bad news and blows it out of proportion.  In saner moments, we probably would admit that it won’t be as bad as we imagine it to be.  Evans wants us to understand how to deal with the future in a more creative way.  He starts with something that surprised me.  He talks about our future in terms of unexpected events.  Of course, our future is full of other kinds of things too.  Some things in our future are quite predictable and should be expected.  This could be a long list, including the weather on most days.
But what about unexpected events?  This is how Evans counsels us.  “So how can we deal with these unexpected events?” (139)  Great question!  His answer is “Simple: expect them.”  I gasped a little.  Expect the unexpected events?  Indeed, and when you begin to think more about it, it makes some sense.  Of course, there will be unexpected events.  We are not fortune-tellers.  Some things that will happen are quite predictable.  Others will be unexpected.  Both are true.

​Next, Evans offers some nuance.  He tells us, “…there are actually two kinds of unexpected events; expected and unexpected.”  I begin to smile at this point.  Clearly, we are starting down a path I have never walked.  I am exploring new territory.  Let’s join him and let it unfold.  So first how do we understand expected unexpected things?  He answers us:   “Expected’ unexpected events are the ones we can likely foresee, and, better described as unlikely events.”

​Interestingly, we are supposed to expect the unexpected.  These are things we can foresee, if we look.  I have had a few of these in my life.  The expected are things that are unlikely.  However, we know they are possible.  I can think of an example.  Once I applied for a fellowship that I had every reason to believe would not come my way.  According to the criteria, I qualified to apply, but it was very unlikely to come my way.  So there was no reason, I thought, to expect it.  In fact, I would have been foolish to expect anything, so I reasoned.

​Nevertheless, Ceri would suggest I should have expected the unexpected.  That would have given me some hope (I am tying this in at this point).  To expect it does not mean I would make it come true.  That is magical thinking.  Hope is not magic.  However, Evans gives us a way even to deal with this.  He encourages us to “rename ‘expected’ unexpected events ‘What ifs?’”  Doing such would have enhanced my response to the fellowship when I actually did get it.  I don’t think I leveraged it as much as I could have.  I did not perform as highly as I might have.

​Next, Evans declares that “’Unexpected’ unexpected events are kinds of events that no one can anticipate.  They can’t be specifically prepared for, because they’re genuinely unpredictable.”  It is easy to come up with an example here.  For most of us, the recent pandemic would fit the ‘unexpected’ unexpected.  It came to us.  But we never expected it.  In fact, we never gave it any thought that anything could affect us---and the entire globe---in such a drastic way.

​Seen this way, we can see even ‘unexpected’ unexpected things do occur. Maybe this is the place to understand miracles, but I don’t want to go there right now.  I do think this is a good place to say who finally knows what the Spirit might do in any situation.  In faith I would say the Spirit is always present and at work.  Sometimes I would not have any awareness of knowing this.

​The one thing I can take away from what Evans teaches me is I can always prepare.  After all, we are dealing with the future and we can’t know for sure what that holds.  Finally, I am good with that.  I can imagine that is how we deal with God in our temporal condition.  We have expectations.  And more than that we have hope.

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