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Pondering

I am not sure where my fascination with words began.  Like most folks, I don’t remember those early days of beginning to speak.  I loved watching my two girls learn to talk and now I have enjoyed watching grandkids reach that very human plateau of communicating meaningfully with words.  Maybe when I began learning a second language---in my case Latin---I began to appreciate the meaning of words.  Anyone who translates a foreign language into English knows there is an art to choosing the right English word to communicate what you think that foreign word is wanting to say.

I am fairly certain I began at an early age to appreciate the power of words.  Of course, I could not have put it that way.  No doubt, when we tell our first lie, we realize we can manipulate how people think and feel.  With luck, we also feel a little guilt when we lie.  But we do learn about the power of words to shape a world---maybe our parents’ world in the first place.  Another stage that fascinates me is the quest to tell someone you love him or her.  If it is a love that we feel deeply, we stutter and stammer while claiming we really can’t put it in words.  Words are often inadequate, but that’s a big piece of our intent to communicate something to the other. 

I am always disappointed in myself and in others when words are used carelessly or superficially.  I cringe when I tell someone I like their clothes or something like that when, in fact, I couldn’t care less or, worse, I find the clothes or car appalling.  Sometimes I use words in a rather cheap way.  I say things, but say them without thought.  Or I chatter at such a superficial level, no one really listens or cares.  It is throw-away language.  It is not communication; it is filling the airways with nonsense.

As I have come to value language, I deal with words in a way that appreciates what they can do.  At my best, I choose language that befits what I want to communicate.  I want my words and thoughts to be both beautiful and effective.  For example, instead of carelessly saying something is nice, I try to say why I think it is nice.  If I value something, my quest is to articulate how and why I value it.

I like how some words are special.  Perhaps they are not special to everyone, but many words are special to me.  And various situations in which I find myself call for special words to fit that situation.  I have a whole host of words that are special to me.  Some examples of words that are special to me are serendipity, pizzazz, persuasive and the list can go on. 

Another example of a word I love is the word, ponder and its cousin, pondering.  Maybe in some way that is what I have been doing in this reflection.  I have been pondering what to say and how to say it.  If you look at a dictionary, it will tell you that to ponder is to think about something carefully.  To ponder means you take some time and that you intend to be careful in the articulation process.  To ponder is to spend enough time lingering with the thinking process in order that you become clear and satisfied with what you think and want to say.

I am not talking about making speeches or writing books.  I am talking about the everyday privilege of talking to others.  At their best, words are self-revelatory.  They reveal what I am thinking and wanting you to think and to know.  At their best, words intend to convey truth.  Of course, there is non-verbal communication, but it usually is less precise. 

It is easy for me to link the word, pondering, to the spiritual realm.  Actually, I think much of what I call spiritual requires a certain amount of pondering.  For example, if I have an experience of God, I may spend some time pondering the nature of that experience.  Did I sense God’s presence in an accurate kind of way?  Was God wanting me to learn something?  Is God calling me to some new way of thinking or even living?  Typically, God does not deal with me in such a way that I have no doubt about things.  Rather, I have to ponder the thing for a bit.  God never speaks loud, clear words.  Instead they come with a kind of subtlety and softness to them.  I guess that is why it always feel like I am operating from faith rather than guarantees.

Pondering is a sure way that opens me to some depth.  It takes a little time and effort to ponder something.  It is a way to stay with an idea, a feeling, a leading---all ways God can work within my experience.  Pondering goes well with the idea of faith.  Of course, there is a piece in me that prefers to be absolutely sure about things and that wants to act in absolute clarity that God is in it with me. 

But spirituality for me is a walk in faith.  It requires that I be willing to ponder things.  Sometimes this links to the idea of discipline---the willingness to practice faith deliberately, slowly and confidently over time.  Pondering ties in nicely with prayer, meditation, study and so many of the spiritual disciplines. 

It is a word I value and take to heart.

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