The title for this inspirational piece is an intentional play on the Brian Doyle’s book, Eight Whopping Lies. I have slowly been working my way through that book. It is an immensely fascinating, engaging piece of writing. Each little chapter is only two or three pages long, but Doyle identifies a focus and then develops it. I have been using this book in a group I lead. It is not really a book discussion group as much as it is a life discussion group. Doyle’s book is useful because it offers such interesting themes to prod the group into thoughtful sharing from our lives. It is one of the best peer discussion experience I have ever shared.
Doyle does not immediately tell the reader why he entitles the book the way he does. We don’t find out this until a later chapter, which enticingly he labels, “Eight Whopping Lies.” I could not wait to jump into this chapter and see exactly what he wanted to teach me. I was not disappointed.
Basically the lies are common phrases we hear in normal conversation. These phrases usually are meant to explain something or pose a truth. Not so our author feels. In fact, they are lies. For example, the first lie contends, “This won’t hurt a bit.” I am not sure what I expected when I got to the eight lies, but I was not expecting this kind of comment. But I agreed with Doyle; I have heard this phrase many times. No doubt, I likely have used it. When I first read that, I laughed out loud. This won’t hurt a bit. Doyle’s next sentence is true: “Yes it will.”
I rummage through my mind trying to recall the times I heard this phrase. I am sure the dentist’s office was one such place. Doyle demonstrates his humor when he comments on the dentist experience when the dentist tells us it won’t hurt. He notes, “It will feel like someone shot an arrow into your tooth and the arrow went through your nether parts and is now sticking out of your knee.”
Doyle won’t quit here. He pushes his humor further that had me laughing as I read it. He tells us, “Any dentist or hygienist who actually says this should have to spend a day in a closet with the Reverend Al Sharpton as penance.” That definitely strikes me as a bad day. I don’t plan to use this phrase any more. There may be times when it won’t hurt a bit. But many more times, I suspect, it will hurt---at least a little. The way to go forward is not to tell a whopping lie, but rather to acknowledge it likely will hurt a little, but you can survive it. Humans are capable of much more than we think.
I certainly would prefer a life where this won’t hurt a bit. Rich people would pay quite a bit of money not to hurt. Folks who are addicts often are trying to deal with life’s hurts. Too often, we drug ourselves so it won’t hurt. I am not suggesting we should not reach for the aspirin bottle when we have a headache. It makes no sense to hurt and play the Stoic role. Pretending life does not hurt at some points is not realistic. It is to live a different kind of lie.
It is easy to know the opposite of the lie---even the whopping lie---is the truth. When we utter a lie or a whopping lie, we typically are avoiding the truth of a situation. Whopping lies are promises that won’t be kept. Or they are offered from an illusion of what we would like, but have no basis in reality. Whopping lies cannot possible be spiritual in any sense. To be spiritual is not to live life in illusion.
If we want to respond to God’s call to be children of God, we agree to walk the realistic path of being spiritual in our real life. I think sometimes we try to sell our kids a version of religion that is pie-in-the-sky religion as trouble-free or perfect. Jesus is offered as an unfortunate model of perfection and given the expectation that our job is to become perfect, too. I am not sure Jesus was perfect in the sense of this offered model. And I am confident we cannot be perfect---just like Jesus.
I do think we can perfect our efforts. We can aim to be consistent in our actions according to our principles. We can try to minimize the times we spend being egotistical and selfish. We can commit to as much compassion as we can muster. Even these can be platitudes if we make no effort to put them into action.
I am clear that spirituality is not a set of lofty ideals. Spirituality is a committed life spiritually lived in tension with the weaker aspects of our human nature. I don’t think we ever escape this tension; we may be able through practice to lessen the tension. I appreciate the Jewish notion that we all have two wills: a good will and a bad will. Spiritually, we are on guard against those leanings of the bad will. For example, I inevitably am tempted to allow my self-interest to become selfish.
This won’t hurt a bit. Baloney. It may well hurt, but you will manage and in the long run will even thrive spiritually. Hurting is not the same thing a defeat. Hurting is part of the process of living and learning to live spiritually.
Doyle does not immediately tell the reader why he entitles the book the way he does. We don’t find out this until a later chapter, which enticingly he labels, “Eight Whopping Lies.” I could not wait to jump into this chapter and see exactly what he wanted to teach me. I was not disappointed.
Basically the lies are common phrases we hear in normal conversation. These phrases usually are meant to explain something or pose a truth. Not so our author feels. In fact, they are lies. For example, the first lie contends, “This won’t hurt a bit.” I am not sure what I expected when I got to the eight lies, but I was not expecting this kind of comment. But I agreed with Doyle; I have heard this phrase many times. No doubt, I likely have used it. When I first read that, I laughed out loud. This won’t hurt a bit. Doyle’s next sentence is true: “Yes it will.”
I rummage through my mind trying to recall the times I heard this phrase. I am sure the dentist’s office was one such place. Doyle demonstrates his humor when he comments on the dentist experience when the dentist tells us it won’t hurt. He notes, “It will feel like someone shot an arrow into your tooth and the arrow went through your nether parts and is now sticking out of your knee.”
Doyle won’t quit here. He pushes his humor further that had me laughing as I read it. He tells us, “Any dentist or hygienist who actually says this should have to spend a day in a closet with the Reverend Al Sharpton as penance.” That definitely strikes me as a bad day. I don’t plan to use this phrase any more. There may be times when it won’t hurt a bit. But many more times, I suspect, it will hurt---at least a little. The way to go forward is not to tell a whopping lie, but rather to acknowledge it likely will hurt a little, but you can survive it. Humans are capable of much more than we think.
I certainly would prefer a life where this won’t hurt a bit. Rich people would pay quite a bit of money not to hurt. Folks who are addicts often are trying to deal with life’s hurts. Too often, we drug ourselves so it won’t hurt. I am not suggesting we should not reach for the aspirin bottle when we have a headache. It makes no sense to hurt and play the Stoic role. Pretending life does not hurt at some points is not realistic. It is to live a different kind of lie.
It is easy to know the opposite of the lie---even the whopping lie---is the truth. When we utter a lie or a whopping lie, we typically are avoiding the truth of a situation. Whopping lies are promises that won’t be kept. Or they are offered from an illusion of what we would like, but have no basis in reality. Whopping lies cannot possible be spiritual in any sense. To be spiritual is not to live life in illusion.
If we want to respond to God’s call to be children of God, we agree to walk the realistic path of being spiritual in our real life. I think sometimes we try to sell our kids a version of religion that is pie-in-the-sky religion as trouble-free or perfect. Jesus is offered as an unfortunate model of perfection and given the expectation that our job is to become perfect, too. I am not sure Jesus was perfect in the sense of this offered model. And I am confident we cannot be perfect---just like Jesus.
I do think we can perfect our efforts. We can aim to be consistent in our actions according to our principles. We can try to minimize the times we spend being egotistical and selfish. We can commit to as much compassion as we can muster. Even these can be platitudes if we make no effort to put them into action.
I am clear that spirituality is not a set of lofty ideals. Spirituality is a committed life spiritually lived in tension with the weaker aspects of our human nature. I don’t think we ever escape this tension; we may be able through practice to lessen the tension. I appreciate the Jewish notion that we all have two wills: a good will and a bad will. Spiritually, we are on guard against those leanings of the bad will. For example, I inevitably am tempted to allow my self-interest to become selfish.
This won’t hurt a bit. Baloney. It may well hurt, but you will manage and in the long run will even thrive spiritually. Hurting is not the same thing a defeat. Hurting is part of the process of living and learning to live spiritually.
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