Forgiveness

For the most part, I do not like the group emails that have information that is cute or supposed to be funny.  Like the old phone calls most of us hated, some emails come and we see who sent it and our response is “Ugh!”  Thankfully, there is the handy delete button!  It is better than WhiteOut!

But there are always exceptions.  And I recently received one of those.  It came from a friend whom I trust.  It was nothing more than a compilation of one-liners.  Many of them I knew and some of them I regularly use.  By that I mean something like “penny wise and pound foolish.”  I do not know who originally said that.  And many folks do not even know for sure what it means.  I have always assumed it has to do with British currency.

So I briefly scrolled down the list…rather aimlessly looking at some of the one-liners.  My eyes landed on one that riveted my attention.  It said, “Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.”  I do not recall ever hearing that one.  But I like it and want to explore why I find it so appealing.

Forgiveness is the issue.  And forgiveness becomes the issue when someone blows it.  Someone makes a mistake, does something wrong, maybe bad, or just comes up short on a promise.  In some fashion guilt results.  A relationship is disrupted; an expectation is torpedoed.

The only way out is forgiveness.  But many folks do not see this as the only way out.  Too often, we try another way out.  If we are wronged, we may try to get even.  I remember all too well my basketball days.  Sometimes, I would be fouled, but the officials would not call it.  My only recourse was to forget it…or get even.  Too often, I chose the latter.  For too many of us, life is like a basketball game.  We will get fouled.  The question is whether we can learn to forgive…or get even.

For too many American, I suspect, forgiveness is a sign of wimpiness.  We only forgive if there is no alternative.  “Might makes right!”  What satisfaction is there in forgiveness, anyway?  Why settle things if we can win?

Of course, forgiveness does not seem to be about winning.  It focuses more on reconciliation and restoration of relationship.  My concern is not to beat you, but to befriend you.  Forgiveness is a form of wooing, not winning.  That’s where the one-line, I like so much, comes into the picture.

And it is not forgiveness of just anybody.  It is forgiving enemies!  They expect a fight.  They expect you to try to beat them---to win.  But if you forgive them, that messes up their heads.  Ironically, forgiveness is an exercise of power.  It is a loving move.  By this move, you erase an enemy.  You make the enemy somebody by forgiving him or her.
This makes it harder for the enemy to see you as enemy.  That is how forgiveness messes up their minds.  You are acting unexpectedly.  Instead of lunging, you love.  In lieu of fighting, you forgive.  You have begun to transform the battleground into playground.  You are changing the rules of the game.  That is powerful.

In a savvy sense, forgiveness is counter-intuitive.  But so often, that is the nature of love.  And so often, that is the secret of the great spiritual teachers.  At its deepest, it is a God-like response.  Maybe it is part of the Divine secret.  Forgive them.  Mess up their minds.  Bring them to their senses.  Life is meant to be fun, not a fight.  It’s party time!