There are many reasons I still enjoy teaching. It is not normal for people my age to have so many friends in their late teens and early twenties. If they knew how old I was, they would walk out of the classroom! I think I have learned a few things over the years. Mostly what I have learned is things I should not do. For example, don’t give advice unless you are asked. Even though I think I know some important things they should know and I should tell them, they don’t want to hear it. It is ok to share some points if they ask. But don’t sit around waiting for them to ask!
Other things I have learned include not talking about what it was like when I was their age. Again, they simply don’t care. Or worse, they really don’t want to know what it was like when you were their age. I can appreciate for many of them now, they were born in the twenty-first century. More and more were not even born when 9-11 happened. Of course, all of us older folks can’t believe that, but that is their life-experience---no 9-11.
And so we do readings that I hope piques their interest. I try to set up discussions that tap into their experience and then ask them to reflect off their own experience. That is real to them. They know their own lives, although they usually don’t know as much as they assume they do. I am confident they are not even more reflective at age nineteen than I was. Perhaps I was even more reflective because of Vietnam. All of us then knew we might be drafted, sent around the world and, perhaps, die. Almost none of the students I have today think about that kind of thing.
I doubt that any late teenager has thought too much about their futures---beyond the normal things for them, like what they want to do after school and wanting to be happy. There is nothing wrong with that. They will have to get a job. I share their hope to be happy. I want to be happy, too. Most folks want to be happy. But the desire to be happy can become tricky. I think happiness is more momentary. Even being financially well off does not guarantee ongoing happiness. Being rich makes life easier from a financial point of view, but it does not necessarily mean happiness.
Hence getting a great job and becoming rich is not a sure way to become happy. I like the advice I read once from a sage who said something like, “happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.” Now that is good advice. Most older folks know we can chase things we want and then discover they were not all that significant. We wind up being unhappy with what we thought would make us happy. When this happens, the joke is on us.
And so it is, I try to get them to reflect on life. We talk about things like attachments---things we keep giving energy to. A typical attachment college students have is to their cell phone. Of course, they don’t want to hear me talk about what it was like when no one had cell phones. And I agree, that is not relevant to their lives. I also have a cell phone. And I don’t want to go back to the good old days.
And I don’t even tell them they ought to give up their cell phones. I don’t even plan to give up my cell phone. What we can do, however, is look at my attachment to the phone. To look at our attachments means we become aware of how we use them. Attachment is a mild form of addiction. We might say we can take it or leave it, but most of us really can’t. We can’t help responding to the beeps and bells.
And so we use some exercises to practice lessening the attachments. No cell phones out at meal with or when I am with friends. By practicing these, we become more free. Indeed, we can take it or leave it. And this typically makes us happier and free to do more meaningful things than scroll down Twitter or check Instagram. Part of the process is asking students to write reflection papers. Here they think about what they did and how they are growing. These can be revelations to them.
I find some joy in reading these reflections. I want to share one comment that reflects human growth. After practicing some exercises one young woman said, “It was nice to see reality for a change.” Insightfully, she became aware the little world she had created through her cell phone was not actually “reality.” She needed to look up, come up and emerge from her superficial little world and discover again the reality---her own reality and the reality of the world around her. This is where she really will find meaning and purpose---and maybe happiness along the way.
Doubtlessly, this is not only her experience. In some ways it is also my experience. Am I seeing reality? Or have I crafted my own little stupid version of reality? God can only deal with us in reality. God does not mess around in folks’ illusions. I hope the young woman stays free from her attachments long enough not only to see reality, but to begin living in it. That is where her spiritual growth will take place.
And I hope the same for me. I want to see reality for a change. And I want to live in reality at all times. My young friends are helping me!
Other things I have learned include not talking about what it was like when I was their age. Again, they simply don’t care. Or worse, they really don’t want to know what it was like when you were their age. I can appreciate for many of them now, they were born in the twenty-first century. More and more were not even born when 9-11 happened. Of course, all of us older folks can’t believe that, but that is their life-experience---no 9-11.
And so we do readings that I hope piques their interest. I try to set up discussions that tap into their experience and then ask them to reflect off their own experience. That is real to them. They know their own lives, although they usually don’t know as much as they assume they do. I am confident they are not even more reflective at age nineteen than I was. Perhaps I was even more reflective because of Vietnam. All of us then knew we might be drafted, sent around the world and, perhaps, die. Almost none of the students I have today think about that kind of thing.
I doubt that any late teenager has thought too much about their futures---beyond the normal things for them, like what they want to do after school and wanting to be happy. There is nothing wrong with that. They will have to get a job. I share their hope to be happy. I want to be happy, too. Most folks want to be happy. But the desire to be happy can become tricky. I think happiness is more momentary. Even being financially well off does not guarantee ongoing happiness. Being rich makes life easier from a financial point of view, but it does not necessarily mean happiness.
Hence getting a great job and becoming rich is not a sure way to become happy. I like the advice I read once from a sage who said something like, “happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.” Now that is good advice. Most older folks know we can chase things we want and then discover they were not all that significant. We wind up being unhappy with what we thought would make us happy. When this happens, the joke is on us.
And so it is, I try to get them to reflect on life. We talk about things like attachments---things we keep giving energy to. A typical attachment college students have is to their cell phone. Of course, they don’t want to hear me talk about what it was like when no one had cell phones. And I agree, that is not relevant to their lives. I also have a cell phone. And I don’t want to go back to the good old days.
And I don’t even tell them they ought to give up their cell phones. I don’t even plan to give up my cell phone. What we can do, however, is look at my attachment to the phone. To look at our attachments means we become aware of how we use them. Attachment is a mild form of addiction. We might say we can take it or leave it, but most of us really can’t. We can’t help responding to the beeps and bells.
And so we use some exercises to practice lessening the attachments. No cell phones out at meal with or when I am with friends. By practicing these, we become more free. Indeed, we can take it or leave it. And this typically makes us happier and free to do more meaningful things than scroll down Twitter or check Instagram. Part of the process is asking students to write reflection papers. Here they think about what they did and how they are growing. These can be revelations to them.
I find some joy in reading these reflections. I want to share one comment that reflects human growth. After practicing some exercises one young woman said, “It was nice to see reality for a change.” Insightfully, she became aware the little world she had created through her cell phone was not actually “reality.” She needed to look up, come up and emerge from her superficial little world and discover again the reality---her own reality and the reality of the world around her. This is where she really will find meaning and purpose---and maybe happiness along the way.
Doubtlessly, this is not only her experience. In some ways it is also my experience. Am I seeing reality? Or have I crafted my own little stupid version of reality? God can only deal with us in reality. God does not mess around in folks’ illusions. I hope the young woman stays free from her attachments long enough not only to see reality, but to begin living in it. That is where her spiritual growth will take place.
And I hope the same for me. I want to see reality for a change. And I want to live in reality at all times. My young friends are helping me!
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