If someone knows me and knows that I am a Quaker, it might be assumed this is about me. But it is not. It actually is part of a headline in a book review I saw in a denominational magazine. The title of that article in full is “Quaker teacher looks at the end of life.” It is a review of my friend, Parker Palmer’s, most recent book, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity and Getting Old. I have known Palmer for some decades now and everything he writes is worth taking seriously. This will be a good read.
I was also interested in how the reviewer, Dana Greene, would look at Parker’s work and how she would evaluate his work. Let’s look at how she presents the material and offers her appreciation. I appreciated the epigraph of the short book review. It is a quotation from the Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard. He says, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” And so this book by Palmer does just what Kierkegaard suggests. Palmer looks backwards to understand his life, while knowing he still has some forward living to do. And so we can learn from his backwards look in order to help us with our yet-to-be-lived days and years.
Greene tells us Palmer helps us think about how to confront death. She says, “One can deny it, defy it (think poet Dylan Thomas) or collaborate with it. If the purpose of living is to become whole, fully human and one's true self, as Palmer suggests, then collaboration with aging and death is necessary.” I like the three options for thinking about death. Certainly many folks I know deny the facticity of death. We have multiple ways this denial takes shape. Especially when we are young, we know others die. We just don’t consider that we will die, too. In denial, the reality of death is a rude awakening when it finally hits us.
As we age and if we still have sufficient stamina, we may try to defy death. We see people go on health kicks. Smokers quit smoking; people go on often absurd diets. Runners materialize from couch potatoes! Pilates and yoga studios abound. Suddenly, we need trainers, coaches and psychologists to tell us things our health teacher told us in elementary school. Somehow we think, we just might beat death!
Finally, Greene latches onto Palmer’s idea that we actually can collaborate with our death. This depends on how we view ourselves, our lives and death itself. This is where vintage Parker Palmer comes to the fore. In the first place we can understand that the purpose of our lives is to become whole. Greene gives it a further little twist by understanding wholeness to means something like becoming fully human and coming to know our true self.
I know some folks get put off by this “true self” language. It can be a fuzzy term that seems profound, but easily becomes vacuous. People like Thomas Merton became famous in touting the “true self.” And certainly, Merton has had a significant influence on Parker Palmer and myself. Whatever the true self is, many of us readily know it is not the self we currently are. As one begins to awaken from spiritual slumber, we recognize we have lived superficially. This is something like Thoreau’s description that a great number of folks live lives of “quiet desperation.” That phrase always struck me as true and sadly tragic.
Palmer offers an antidote to this kind of true, sad way of living and, then, dying. Greene tells us Palmer likes getting old, even with its problems. I hope that is true for him and can be true for me. Palmer says this book is about things he has learned along the way. Greene offers one example. “The most obvious of these learnings is: ‘Old is just another word for nothing left to lose, a time of life to take bigger risks on behalf of the common good.’” I admit I laughed when I read this line.
Nothing left to lose. It this defines old, then I am getting there. But I am not there yet. There are still some things I cling to. I can continue to grow spiritually here. I have to learn not to cling to anything---material things, psychological things like self-image and all the rest. The other thing Palmer suggests is to take on bigger risks for the common good. I am ready for that and, perhaps, already doing some of it. It is simply a willingness to give away your life for the common good. That makes sense to me.
One of Greene’s best lines was simple. She said, “Death comes to all living things, and to die well one needs preparation.” The first half of the sentence is true: death does come to all. I want to collaborate with my death when and as it comes. But Greene’s advice is worth heeding. To die well needs preparation. Now is a good time to be awake and to prepare. I am certainly old enough to be well into this preparation. In my case it takes some intentionality and some spiritual discipline.
This is precisely the point at which I know I might still be denying or defying death. If I am not preparing, I probably am denying or defying. To be intentional and be disciplined is not morbid. It is simply learning to live a centered life with depth and compassion. Those are easy words to type, but I want to incorporate them into life by incarnating them in my actions. I want to remember I am opting for the larger common good, not my own selfish desires.
If I can learn this and live it, I also can become a Quaker teacher.
I was also interested in how the reviewer, Dana Greene, would look at Parker’s work and how she would evaluate his work. Let’s look at how she presents the material and offers her appreciation. I appreciated the epigraph of the short book review. It is a quotation from the Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard. He says, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” And so this book by Palmer does just what Kierkegaard suggests. Palmer looks backwards to understand his life, while knowing he still has some forward living to do. And so we can learn from his backwards look in order to help us with our yet-to-be-lived days and years.
Greene tells us Palmer helps us think about how to confront death. She says, “One can deny it, defy it (think poet Dylan Thomas) or collaborate with it. If the purpose of living is to become whole, fully human and one's true self, as Palmer suggests, then collaboration with aging and death is necessary.” I like the three options for thinking about death. Certainly many folks I know deny the facticity of death. We have multiple ways this denial takes shape. Especially when we are young, we know others die. We just don’t consider that we will die, too. In denial, the reality of death is a rude awakening when it finally hits us.
As we age and if we still have sufficient stamina, we may try to defy death. We see people go on health kicks. Smokers quit smoking; people go on often absurd diets. Runners materialize from couch potatoes! Pilates and yoga studios abound. Suddenly, we need trainers, coaches and psychologists to tell us things our health teacher told us in elementary school. Somehow we think, we just might beat death!
Finally, Greene latches onto Palmer’s idea that we actually can collaborate with our death. This depends on how we view ourselves, our lives and death itself. This is where vintage Parker Palmer comes to the fore. In the first place we can understand that the purpose of our lives is to become whole. Greene gives it a further little twist by understanding wholeness to means something like becoming fully human and coming to know our true self.
I know some folks get put off by this “true self” language. It can be a fuzzy term that seems profound, but easily becomes vacuous. People like Thomas Merton became famous in touting the “true self.” And certainly, Merton has had a significant influence on Parker Palmer and myself. Whatever the true self is, many of us readily know it is not the self we currently are. As one begins to awaken from spiritual slumber, we recognize we have lived superficially. This is something like Thoreau’s description that a great number of folks live lives of “quiet desperation.” That phrase always struck me as true and sadly tragic.
Palmer offers an antidote to this kind of true, sad way of living and, then, dying. Greene tells us Palmer likes getting old, even with its problems. I hope that is true for him and can be true for me. Palmer says this book is about things he has learned along the way. Greene offers one example. “The most obvious of these learnings is: ‘Old is just another word for nothing left to lose, a time of life to take bigger risks on behalf of the common good.’” I admit I laughed when I read this line.
Nothing left to lose. It this defines old, then I am getting there. But I am not there yet. There are still some things I cling to. I can continue to grow spiritually here. I have to learn not to cling to anything---material things, psychological things like self-image and all the rest. The other thing Palmer suggests is to take on bigger risks for the common good. I am ready for that and, perhaps, already doing some of it. It is simply a willingness to give away your life for the common good. That makes sense to me.
One of Greene’s best lines was simple. She said, “Death comes to all living things, and to die well one needs preparation.” The first half of the sentence is true: death does come to all. I want to collaborate with my death when and as it comes. But Greene’s advice is worth heeding. To die well needs preparation. Now is a good time to be awake and to prepare. I am certainly old enough to be well into this preparation. In my case it takes some intentionality and some spiritual discipline.
This is precisely the point at which I know I might still be denying or defying death. If I am not preparing, I probably am denying or defying. To be intentional and be disciplined is not morbid. It is simply learning to live a centered life with depth and compassion. Those are easy words to type, but I want to incorporate them into life by incarnating them in my actions. I want to remember I am opting for the larger common good, not my own selfish desires.
If I can learn this and live it, I also can become a Quaker teacher.
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