I am not quite sure what caught my eye as I was trolling though my Twittter account. Perhaps it was the title: “Growing People: A Vital Imperative for Organizations. I did not know the author, Julia Daley. Her short bio describes her as a leadership coach and mentor. She is an educator and speaker. I smiled because that could be my bio, too. It is fairly general, but I decided to read the article and am glad I did.
I am interested in growing in my own way. I want to grow spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. And I have spent a great deal of my adult life helping other folks grow. Sometimes it has been students and sometimes it has been members of a congregation I was serving. I think I know quite a bit about what this means, so I was intrigued what the article might tell me that I didn’t already know. I was pleasantly surprised.
The first paragraph posed an important question. We were asked to think about where we work or an organization of which we are a part. The focused question was, “do you feel you matter, that you’re valued, that you’re seen as someone…vital to the group?” Obviously this is a question of perception. I might perceive that I don’t feel valued and others in the group would be surprised because they claim they value me highly. But the perception is key. And how I feel bodes significantly to how I perform in the group or organization. That is why it is important.
I realize this is true not only for businesses and teams---such as athletic teams. It is also important in non-profit organizations and even in churches, synagogues, etc. I wanted to take it seriously and learn from it. If effect, the article is saying the optimal place or team wants to create comfort zones for folks. Because if we don’t then we risk killing “creativity and innovation.” I have been around long enough to know that innovation and creativity are the lifeblood of our future. The status quo will not cut it any more. We need to help people grow.
Somehow the article got to the writer and poet, Maya Angelou. I have read some of her works and know how famous she was. The author, Julia Daley, noted that Angelou “suggested that we all ask each other four questions all the time.” She added the caveat, but we ask these four questions “unconsciously.” I could not wait to see the four questions.
Daley says, “So here are Maya Angelou’s four questions: 1. Do you see me? 2. Do you care that I’m here? 3. Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way? And, 4. Can I tell that I’m special to you by the way that you look at me?” I reeled a bit after reading these four questions. They are deep and powerful. What if in our meeting, I am asking you these questions and you are also asking me these questions! And we don’t even know we are asking the questions! Talk about a loaded situation! These questions are designed to help us decide whether we are comfortable in the situation or if our experience is one of discomfort.
I admit I love the questions. They are clear and forthright. Do you see me? If my sense is you don’t see me, then I do experience some discomfort. When I think about this in spiritual terms, it has even more poignancy. When I think about Jesus, I see a guy who routinely “saw” people. In fact, I think his seeing was quite penetrating. He could see right into our soul. In this sense he “knew” people.
Some people were so touched, they became disciples and followed him. They grew and grew as men and women of the spirit. Their growth came as a result of their affirmation of the second question, namely, do you care that I’m here? Of course Jesus cared. And as disciples, we need to learn to care like he did. Whether it is a student or a friend, we need to “see” the other person and help them see that we care that they are here. In some way this is an act of love. And they will grow from this love. And surely, we also will grow from loving.
I happen to think Jesus made all folks feel like they were enough. We all know we are sinners and often we are made to feel like we are not enough because of our past or present problems. But Jesus received folks as they were. He helped them grow. Often this included healing, forgiving, etc. But he started by accepting them where and as they were. They did not have to be perfect in order to relate to him.
The last question has power to it. It simply asks whether I know that I am special by the way you look at me. Again, all the spiritual sages of the ages were able to help folks see that they were special. To be special does not mean we are perfect. We are special simply because we are a child of God. The specialness comes from being in the image of God.
But being special does not mean there is no room for growth. I think that is the point of the article. Unless I feel these four questions are answered affirmatively, I am afraid and will not grow and blossom as a person---a spiritual person. I see truth in this and am glad to learn more than I thought I knew.
I am better equipped to help people grow since I know these four questions we are always asking each other.
I am interested in growing in my own way. I want to grow spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. And I have spent a great deal of my adult life helping other folks grow. Sometimes it has been students and sometimes it has been members of a congregation I was serving. I think I know quite a bit about what this means, so I was intrigued what the article might tell me that I didn’t already know. I was pleasantly surprised.
The first paragraph posed an important question. We were asked to think about where we work or an organization of which we are a part. The focused question was, “do you feel you matter, that you’re valued, that you’re seen as someone…vital to the group?” Obviously this is a question of perception. I might perceive that I don’t feel valued and others in the group would be surprised because they claim they value me highly. But the perception is key. And how I feel bodes significantly to how I perform in the group or organization. That is why it is important.
I realize this is true not only for businesses and teams---such as athletic teams. It is also important in non-profit organizations and even in churches, synagogues, etc. I wanted to take it seriously and learn from it. If effect, the article is saying the optimal place or team wants to create comfort zones for folks. Because if we don’t then we risk killing “creativity and innovation.” I have been around long enough to know that innovation and creativity are the lifeblood of our future. The status quo will not cut it any more. We need to help people grow.
Somehow the article got to the writer and poet, Maya Angelou. I have read some of her works and know how famous she was. The author, Julia Daley, noted that Angelou “suggested that we all ask each other four questions all the time.” She added the caveat, but we ask these four questions “unconsciously.” I could not wait to see the four questions.
Daley says, “So here are Maya Angelou’s four questions: 1. Do you see me? 2. Do you care that I’m here? 3. Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way? And, 4. Can I tell that I’m special to you by the way that you look at me?” I reeled a bit after reading these four questions. They are deep and powerful. What if in our meeting, I am asking you these questions and you are also asking me these questions! And we don’t even know we are asking the questions! Talk about a loaded situation! These questions are designed to help us decide whether we are comfortable in the situation or if our experience is one of discomfort.
I admit I love the questions. They are clear and forthright. Do you see me? If my sense is you don’t see me, then I do experience some discomfort. When I think about this in spiritual terms, it has even more poignancy. When I think about Jesus, I see a guy who routinely “saw” people. In fact, I think his seeing was quite penetrating. He could see right into our soul. In this sense he “knew” people.
Some people were so touched, they became disciples and followed him. They grew and grew as men and women of the spirit. Their growth came as a result of their affirmation of the second question, namely, do you care that I’m here? Of course Jesus cared. And as disciples, we need to learn to care like he did. Whether it is a student or a friend, we need to “see” the other person and help them see that we care that they are here. In some way this is an act of love. And they will grow from this love. And surely, we also will grow from loving.
I happen to think Jesus made all folks feel like they were enough. We all know we are sinners and often we are made to feel like we are not enough because of our past or present problems. But Jesus received folks as they were. He helped them grow. Often this included healing, forgiving, etc. But he started by accepting them where and as they were. They did not have to be perfect in order to relate to him.
The last question has power to it. It simply asks whether I know that I am special by the way you look at me. Again, all the spiritual sages of the ages were able to help folks see that they were special. To be special does not mean we are perfect. We are special simply because we are a child of God. The specialness comes from being in the image of God.
But being special does not mean there is no room for growth. I think that is the point of the article. Unless I feel these four questions are answered affirmatively, I am afraid and will not grow and blossom as a person---a spiritual person. I see truth in this and am glad to learn more than I thought I knew.
I am better equipped to help people grow since I know these four questions we are always asking each other.
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