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No Expert

Many times when I begin to write something, I recall Parker Palmer’s opening words in his book, The Active Life.  Palmer says, “It is a mistake to imagine that writers are experts on the things they write about---at least, it is a mistake on my part!” (xi)  He continues by saying, “I write about things I am still wrestling with, things that are important to me but that I have not yet figured out.”  I think the same thing holds true for me. 
   
The process of writing is basically the process for thinking.  It is equivalent to speaking.  I often tell students, I need to hear them or read something they write in order to know really what they are thinking.  I know first-hand how easy it is to be a passive reader.  I can pick up a piece of writing---be it a newspaper article or a chapter in a book---and read it passively.  From this I can generally tell someone about what I read.  In other words, I can describe some information from the piece.  But that does not mean I have thought much, or any, about it. 
   
That is why we so often hear people say, “Think about it for a minute.”  It is not unusual to hear something like this from parents.  It can be something as curt as, “pay attention.”  There is no way we can really engage a reading if we are not paying attention.  And reading something passively does not require much attention.  We simply let our eyes fly over words and call it “reading.”  Reading without much comprehension is what that really is!
   
On the other end of the spectrum, I also realize I can read and study something and learn it fairly well.  I may be able to articulate the main points.  In fact, I can spend some time analyzing the reading and offer educated opinions.  I might relate to it and talk about how relevant it is in my life.  Some things I have read have been so profound, they actually changed my life in some ways.  Perhaps many folks can point to a key book or idea from a book and say it was a life-changer.
   
But that still does not make me an expert.  A dictionary definition of an expert suggests someone with comprehensive knowledge about an area of learning.  But an expert is more than someone who knows a lot.  The dictionary definition also claims the expert has a kind of authoritative grip on the knowledge and the field.  He or she not only can answer the obvious questions.  They go beyond to offer gems that no one else could have imagined knowing.  Somehow the expert can push beyond what is written or what is in the body of knowledge.  They push to the level of what seems like creativity. 
   
When I am in the presence of an expert, I have the sense that not only was this good.  I am amazed.  There is a kind of magic in the work and presentation of the expert.  I don’t know how they do it.  But it is not magic.  I know magic is a trick---a sleight of hand.  I can learn the trick if I want to learn it.  But becoming an expert is not a trick.  There is no illusion.  It’s real and not just anybody can manage it.  Many of us know we are pretty good.  But we also know we are not experts.
   
Why all the fuss about experts?  Why bring the Palmer quotation into the mix?  For me it is an appropriate, constant reminder that the spiritual journey is not one that leads to expertise.  Ten years on the spiritual job does not yield an expert’s diploma!  I know it is possible to accumulate a great deal of knowledge if you want to read enough spiritual literature.  You can know an immense amount about the women and men in the Christian tradition---or any tradition, for that matter.
   
But in the spiritual real, I argue there is no comprehensive knowledge.  That is because the subject matter of spirituality---for me at least---is the Holy One.  And God cannot be fully comprehended.  Humans simply cannot get our heads around the totality of who and what God is.  We can experience the Holy One, of course, and we can grow in our depth of experience.  We can find new and clever ways to articulate our thought systems about God, but we don’t get it all.  If we think we do, we have become divine magicians.  We are offering other people our tricks.  Magic is nothing more than tricks to deceive and to amaze. 
   
The authentic spiritual path is grounded in humility.  When we deal with God, there is as much unknowing as there is knowing.  And I am not at all sure unknowing leads to expertise.  I have thought about it and realize no one whom I would consider deeply spiritual thinks for one minute they are experts.  In fact, they would be quick to deny it.
   
I am helped by Palmer’s opening words because I want to engage the thinking and writing process in order to grow, deepen, clarity and so much more.  But I don’t believe for a minute it is going to make me an expert.  To the contrary.  The journey to God is a humbling, but finally, loving incorporation into the very Presence of the Divine One.  That is going to be amazing.
   
But it won’t make me an expert. 

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