A relatively new book I have been reading is by the English poet with Irish roots, David Whyte. Whyte studied zoology, which may account for his interest in and able description of nature and the world in which we live. He moved to this country in 1981 and has had a fascinating career. He has taught, been a consultant in major corporations and other oddly interesting venues for a poet. He is well-known for his focus on “conversational leadership.” I have come to know him through his recent book, Consolations, which is subtitled, The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning.
This book is like reading a selective dictionary with extended commentary. He takes ordinary words and does extraordinary things with the word. For example, he begins with the word, “alone.” This is one of his longer commentaries---going some five pages. He finishes the book with a look at “work.” As I work my way through his book, I have come to expect that he is going to take me to unexpected places. In some ways it is like going for a ride with someone and knowing you do not know where you will be taken. So often, I finish reading about a word and think, “Wow, I never would have thought about that.”
The most recent word about which I have read is “joy.” As usual, I thought I knew something about joy before reading Whyte’s ruminations. I have thought about joy and how I contrast it with happiness. Often I have told students you can’t “enjoy” unless you have “joy.” And yet, climbing on board with Whyte’s analysis took me places I have never been. I share some of that now and touch on how it becomes spiritual for me.
Reading Whyte is not easy, as the first, long sentence will attest. The first part of the initial sentence goes like this: “Joy is a meeting place, of deep intentionality and of self forgetting…” (127) I like the idea of joy as a “meeting place.” When you think about joy, it is easy to understand it as a noun. A noun just is. Whyte forces some more reflection. Joy is a meeting place. And then he tells us what meets in that place: intentionality and self forgetting. Of course, this is paradoxical.
As I think further into the first part of this initial sentence, I conclude that intentionality and self forgetting may not be in an equal relationship, but more a causal relationship. As I think about it, intentionality comes first. I intentionally put myself in that place, but it takes “deep” intentionality. For a while I ponder whether I know the difference between “intentionality” and “deep intentionality.” Clearly, I am superficially intentional a great deal of time. I decide I want a cup of coffee, so I get up and make a cup or go buy a cup. I want the coffee, but it is not a big deal. I could be deprived, but it would not matter that much.
Deep intentionality goes to places where big decisions are made. Deciding to get married, to have kids, etc. surely are places of deeper intentionality. Deep intentionality gets tied up spiritually for me when I decided I wanted to align my life with what I thought God’s desire for me would be. I grew up in a tradition that talked about “God’s will.” While that is an easy concept to understand, it turned out not to be an easy concept to put into my life. Somewhere along the line, I realized I was not easy with the language of “will.” For whatever reason, I resonated more with God having “desires” for me, for us and for the world.
I know that God’s desire is tied up with God’s nature, which I understand to be love. God is love. Therefore, God’s desire---rooted in love---has to be always loving for all of us. God’s desire is always some form of love. That means for me, if I am not sure what “God’s will” is, I can always assume the divine desire is for love. And in most situations, at least, I can guess what love might look like, even if I am not altogether sure what specifically God’s will is. And so my deep intention is always to act in accord with God’s desire.
If God’s desire is for love, then that usually means the ego can get in the way. Truly, it is God’s will, not mine. This is where the self forgetting comes into play. To forget myself may not always make me happy, but it can become the source of joy. Understood as the meeting place, joy is a result. Joy is what happens in that meeting place where deep intentionality connects with self forgetting. Again, this is paradoxical.
But love is paradoxical. True, deep love involves a great deal of self forgetting. True love asks us to transcend ourselves---certainly our egos---and be there for another---or even for others in community. Perhaps this is why we see so much inauthentic love in our culture. Inauthentic love is typically driven by our ego and the hoped-for result of that kind of love is self-satisfaction. As the saying goes, “we are in it for what we can get.”
There is no joy in that kind of mindset and attitude. We may get what we want, but it won’t be joy. I am grateful to Whyte for leading me to this meeting place where I can find joy.
This book is like reading a selective dictionary with extended commentary. He takes ordinary words and does extraordinary things with the word. For example, he begins with the word, “alone.” This is one of his longer commentaries---going some five pages. He finishes the book with a look at “work.” As I work my way through his book, I have come to expect that he is going to take me to unexpected places. In some ways it is like going for a ride with someone and knowing you do not know where you will be taken. So often, I finish reading about a word and think, “Wow, I never would have thought about that.”
The most recent word about which I have read is “joy.” As usual, I thought I knew something about joy before reading Whyte’s ruminations. I have thought about joy and how I contrast it with happiness. Often I have told students you can’t “enjoy” unless you have “joy.” And yet, climbing on board with Whyte’s analysis took me places I have never been. I share some of that now and touch on how it becomes spiritual for me.
Reading Whyte is not easy, as the first, long sentence will attest. The first part of the initial sentence goes like this: “Joy is a meeting place, of deep intentionality and of self forgetting…” (127) I like the idea of joy as a “meeting place.” When you think about joy, it is easy to understand it as a noun. A noun just is. Whyte forces some more reflection. Joy is a meeting place. And then he tells us what meets in that place: intentionality and self forgetting. Of course, this is paradoxical.
As I think further into the first part of this initial sentence, I conclude that intentionality and self forgetting may not be in an equal relationship, but more a causal relationship. As I think about it, intentionality comes first. I intentionally put myself in that place, but it takes “deep” intentionality. For a while I ponder whether I know the difference between “intentionality” and “deep intentionality.” Clearly, I am superficially intentional a great deal of time. I decide I want a cup of coffee, so I get up and make a cup or go buy a cup. I want the coffee, but it is not a big deal. I could be deprived, but it would not matter that much.
Deep intentionality goes to places where big decisions are made. Deciding to get married, to have kids, etc. surely are places of deeper intentionality. Deep intentionality gets tied up spiritually for me when I decided I wanted to align my life with what I thought God’s desire for me would be. I grew up in a tradition that talked about “God’s will.” While that is an easy concept to understand, it turned out not to be an easy concept to put into my life. Somewhere along the line, I realized I was not easy with the language of “will.” For whatever reason, I resonated more with God having “desires” for me, for us and for the world.
I know that God’s desire is tied up with God’s nature, which I understand to be love. God is love. Therefore, God’s desire---rooted in love---has to be always loving for all of us. God’s desire is always some form of love. That means for me, if I am not sure what “God’s will” is, I can always assume the divine desire is for love. And in most situations, at least, I can guess what love might look like, even if I am not altogether sure what specifically God’s will is. And so my deep intention is always to act in accord with God’s desire.
If God’s desire is for love, then that usually means the ego can get in the way. Truly, it is God’s will, not mine. This is where the self forgetting comes into play. To forget myself may not always make me happy, but it can become the source of joy. Understood as the meeting place, joy is a result. Joy is what happens in that meeting place where deep intentionality connects with self forgetting. Again, this is paradoxical.
But love is paradoxical. True, deep love involves a great deal of self forgetting. True love asks us to transcend ourselves---certainly our egos---and be there for another---or even for others in community. Perhaps this is why we see so much inauthentic love in our culture. Inauthentic love is typically driven by our ego and the hoped-for result of that kind of love is self-satisfaction. As the saying goes, “we are in it for what we can get.”
There is no joy in that kind of mindset and attitude. We may get what we want, but it won’t be joy. I am grateful to Whyte for leading me to this meeting place where I can find joy.
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