Recently, I picked up a friend at the airport. Normally, I would think very little of this. I would dismiss it as simply what friends do for each other. And indeed, that is what friends do for each other. I have done it for business colleagues. It makes me wonder if I were to draw a line. Would I do it for a stranger? I realize I have never been asked by a stranger to pick him or her up from the airport. That would be strange!
In my case picking up someone from the airport is easy. I only live ten minutes from the airport, so the inconvenience is minimal. I don’t even have to park and walk to where I can find the person. I simply show up in the front of Arrivals and soon the person comes out. In the case of my friend, it was really easy. I looked good because I had done a good deed. But I didn’t even think about it as a good deed. She is a friend and that’s why I did it. That could be the end of the non-dramatic story.
But I have chosen to reflect a bit on the story and see what the story actually tells. Long ago I learned the value of reflection. Reflection often gives me the chance to milk meaning from an otherwise normal event. Lack of reflection too often blinds us to the possibilities of seeing life as a very rich experience. Going through the motions is something I want to avoid, if I can. And so I began to think about my airport trip.
One of the things that fascinates me is motivation. Why do people do what they do? Of course, one easy answer is they have to. I think about the times my two girls were little. They had to do things because I wanted them to do it. Sometimes, I would simply pick them up and carry them somewhere. They had no choice! That is not motivation. If we have no choice, then motivation is not in the picture. For the most part, motivation depends on choice.
I wanted to pick up my friend from the airport. However, I reflect a little deeper. My motivation was not really to go to the airport. I can do that any time I want to do. My motivation was to help my friend. That is the deeper desire. The fact is, I would go anywhere to pick her up. She just happened to be coming into the airport, so helping her meant a trip to the airport. If she had the need for me to drive downtown to pick her up, I would have done that just as readily. Helping her was the motivation.
Of course, more reflection kicks in and presents interesting questions. I can now ask the question, “how much?” How much am I willing to do to help my friend? Going to the airport to spare her from a taxi ride is easy. It did not even take a half hour out of my day. The motivation to help her came with little cost to me. But what if she called from Atlanta and asked me to pick her up in Atlanta? As a matter of fact, she flew from Atlanta to our home city and then asked me to pick her up. If she wanted me to drive to Atlanta, would I have done it?
That certainly raises the ante on motivation. I realize I would not drive to Atlanta to pick up a stranger! So it seems the real question emerging is how much do I value my friendship? Atlanta must be a ten-hour drive; is our friendship that good or deep? When I ask the question that way, I realize my motivation to help a friend has become cloudy with my own self-interest. I realize that I am motivated by self-interest, too. In fact, I suspect in most cases self-interest motivates me a great deal. Probably it is always in the mix. I can say I am willing to help a friend, but if it does not cost me too much.
I hope in the case of my friend, I would be more than ready to drive to Atlanta and pick her up from the airport. But I also realize that another factor enters the picture. I call it the “it depends” factor. I would be willing to drive to Atlanta if it does not interfere with other things. Effectively, “it depends” on other things whether I will drive to Atlanta. And I am sure I can bring many things into the “it depends” category. It depends on my work, my tiredness, the level of my friendship, etc. I realize the “it depends” factor usually works to lower motivation to do something. “It depends” usually offers me a way out of being asked to help.
As I write this, I begin to see an analogy to my sense of who God is. Imagine God is the friend who is being asked to pick us up at the airport---or to help out in any other way. I am sure we hope that God is a good friend---a really good friend! My theology says God is always motivated to help---to help me and to help you. God’s primary motivating impulse is love. God is motivated because God loves. I now realize that friendship is a form of love and that is why I was willing to help me friend.
I reflect a little deeper and sense a nagging uneasiness to explore. I appreciate that God is my friend and, therefore, is willing to help me. In fact, I am grateful for the friendship. But I also wonder whether God has an “it depends” factor? I am sure some folks have a theology in which God does have the “it depends” factor. I am aware there have been theologies in which God’s help depends upon my race, upon whether I am good, upon whether I have the right belief, etc.
I realize for God to be truly God, “it cannot depend” on anything for God’s love to swing into action. God would drive downtown, to Atlanta or to San Francisco to help. God would go to Shanghai to help me or anyone else. I am deeply touched to know that God’s desire to help each one of us is so profound, that becomes God’s sole self-interest. That’s how big God’s love is for God’s friends.
In my case picking up someone from the airport is easy. I only live ten minutes from the airport, so the inconvenience is minimal. I don’t even have to park and walk to where I can find the person. I simply show up in the front of Arrivals and soon the person comes out. In the case of my friend, it was really easy. I looked good because I had done a good deed. But I didn’t even think about it as a good deed. She is a friend and that’s why I did it. That could be the end of the non-dramatic story.
But I have chosen to reflect a bit on the story and see what the story actually tells. Long ago I learned the value of reflection. Reflection often gives me the chance to milk meaning from an otherwise normal event. Lack of reflection too often blinds us to the possibilities of seeing life as a very rich experience. Going through the motions is something I want to avoid, if I can. And so I began to think about my airport trip.
One of the things that fascinates me is motivation. Why do people do what they do? Of course, one easy answer is they have to. I think about the times my two girls were little. They had to do things because I wanted them to do it. Sometimes, I would simply pick them up and carry them somewhere. They had no choice! That is not motivation. If we have no choice, then motivation is not in the picture. For the most part, motivation depends on choice.
I wanted to pick up my friend from the airport. However, I reflect a little deeper. My motivation was not really to go to the airport. I can do that any time I want to do. My motivation was to help my friend. That is the deeper desire. The fact is, I would go anywhere to pick her up. She just happened to be coming into the airport, so helping her meant a trip to the airport. If she had the need for me to drive downtown to pick her up, I would have done that just as readily. Helping her was the motivation.
Of course, more reflection kicks in and presents interesting questions. I can now ask the question, “how much?” How much am I willing to do to help my friend? Going to the airport to spare her from a taxi ride is easy. It did not even take a half hour out of my day. The motivation to help her came with little cost to me. But what if she called from Atlanta and asked me to pick her up in Atlanta? As a matter of fact, she flew from Atlanta to our home city and then asked me to pick her up. If she wanted me to drive to Atlanta, would I have done it?
That certainly raises the ante on motivation. I realize I would not drive to Atlanta to pick up a stranger! So it seems the real question emerging is how much do I value my friendship? Atlanta must be a ten-hour drive; is our friendship that good or deep? When I ask the question that way, I realize my motivation to help a friend has become cloudy with my own self-interest. I realize that I am motivated by self-interest, too. In fact, I suspect in most cases self-interest motivates me a great deal. Probably it is always in the mix. I can say I am willing to help a friend, but if it does not cost me too much.
I hope in the case of my friend, I would be more than ready to drive to Atlanta and pick her up from the airport. But I also realize that another factor enters the picture. I call it the “it depends” factor. I would be willing to drive to Atlanta if it does not interfere with other things. Effectively, “it depends” on other things whether I will drive to Atlanta. And I am sure I can bring many things into the “it depends” category. It depends on my work, my tiredness, the level of my friendship, etc. I realize the “it depends” factor usually works to lower motivation to do something. “It depends” usually offers me a way out of being asked to help.
As I write this, I begin to see an analogy to my sense of who God is. Imagine God is the friend who is being asked to pick us up at the airport---or to help out in any other way. I am sure we hope that God is a good friend---a really good friend! My theology says God is always motivated to help---to help me and to help you. God’s primary motivating impulse is love. God is motivated because God loves. I now realize that friendship is a form of love and that is why I was willing to help me friend.
I reflect a little deeper and sense a nagging uneasiness to explore. I appreciate that God is my friend and, therefore, is willing to help me. In fact, I am grateful for the friendship. But I also wonder whether God has an “it depends” factor? I am sure some folks have a theology in which God does have the “it depends” factor. I am aware there have been theologies in which God’s help depends upon my race, upon whether I am good, upon whether I have the right belief, etc.
I realize for God to be truly God, “it cannot depend” on anything for God’s love to swing into action. God would drive downtown, to Atlanta or to San Francisco to help. God would go to Shanghai to help me or anyone else. I am deeply touched to know that God’s desire to help each one of us is so profound, that becomes God’s sole self-interest. That’s how big God’s love is for God’s friends.
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