Grace and love are two key concepts for Christianity and many other major religions as well. I can say that I am for both concepts. I want both to be involved in my living---indeed, my daily living. I am sure I have experienced both. I hope I have given both to people. That certainly would be my desire. I suspect that authentic life and meaning are impossible without both love and grace. And yet, many folks probably would be hard-pressed to come up with good definitions of both words and an explanation of how they work together.
That was my mindset as I was re-reading Gerald May’s book, The Awakened Heart. I have read the book before and parts of it I have read many times. It is one of those books I always know will give me help and challenge me, too. I value all of May’s books and appreciate how much help he was to so many of us in the “spirituality business.” May was a psychiatrist and long-time associated with Shalem, the spirituality institute in DC. He died in 2005.
As I began to read May’s book, first published in 1991, I was reminded why I so like reading him. It seems that nearly every sentence speaks to me. It is easy to take personally what he says and get an agenda for spiritual growth. I have known for a long time that being in the “spirituality business,” which I playfully call my work teaching spirituality classes at a University is tricky business. On one hand, I get a chance routinely to work with the stuff that is the most meaningful thing in life for me. And on the other hand, because I am working daily with this meaningful material, it can slowly become my business and lose the personal meaning it has for me. It is ironic, but true. And so I slowly read his words.
His first chapter talks about the primacy of love in life. I couldn’t agree more. “Love is the most important thing” and all sentences like this seem so true. We can all say them, but it is harder to live them. That is what spirituality is all about: living the insight and true we receive. I am confident we all say love is a wonderful idea, but it is not real until it is lived and given and received. When I think love, I don’t feel loved. And when I feel loved, I don’t even have to think about it!
May continues that initial chapter by acknowledging we often learn more from our failures than we do our successes. To be sure, success is fun and probably preferable. But we don’t always learn from success. Failure proves we are not in control and May is very clear that vulnerability is one of the keys to authentic loving. This resonates with me. I have known I would prefer being in control. But I also know if I am in control, whatever passes as love is not real love. And so it is that Gerald May adds grace to the mix with love.
And then came the sentences that I had forgotten, but surely meant just as much to me the last time I read it. May admits, “…mostly, my turning toward grace is a simple, wordless act of love. Grace is love happening, love in action, and I have seen so much grace in the midst of so much brokenness in myself and others, that I know we are all in love.” A few lines later, he adds about grace, “I do it as an act of love.” If I were giving this as a speech, I would pause here, look at the audience and simply let those words sink into our hearts and souls.
Something this profound has to be taken in and taken deep. It is a “marrow level” experience. If love is superficial, then grace never will happen. If love is superficial, then we are more likely to be manipulative than graceful. There’s a big difference. I continue to try to unlearn one and learn the other. Let’s spend a little more time with May’s insight.
May says that turning to grace is an act of love. Love always points to the other---even if it is love of self. Love is self-transcending in the sense it is not about my ego. This is where it differs from manipulation which is the ego trying to arrange the game so ego wins. That mode is so attractive, but it is never loving. Grace as an act of love is always a gift---a gift to the other. Ego does not give gifts. It wants to get.
And then comes May’s key idea for me: grace is love happening. Grace is love in action. In another book I know May says something like love is the resource for grace and grace is the flowering of love. It seems that he is saying something similar here. Grace is gift and love is the giving of that gift. A selfish person will never be a graceful person.
If we see grace as the flowering of love, then we are freed from the idea that grace is only needed when there is a mistake or problem. Indeed, grace is usually needed in those kinds of situations. But grace---love in action---is also needed in situations which are positive, healthy and growing. Grace can compound good things, as well as forgive bad things. Grace can be an enhancer. One way to monitor the possibility and potentiality of grace is to keep it paired with love. When I love or desire to love, I am willing to offer grace. I am a giver of a gift.
I am thankful for Gerald May’s clarity. Now I want to live out the graceful love I have.
That was my mindset as I was re-reading Gerald May’s book, The Awakened Heart. I have read the book before and parts of it I have read many times. It is one of those books I always know will give me help and challenge me, too. I value all of May’s books and appreciate how much help he was to so many of us in the “spirituality business.” May was a psychiatrist and long-time associated with Shalem, the spirituality institute in DC. He died in 2005.
As I began to read May’s book, first published in 1991, I was reminded why I so like reading him. It seems that nearly every sentence speaks to me. It is easy to take personally what he says and get an agenda for spiritual growth. I have known for a long time that being in the “spirituality business,” which I playfully call my work teaching spirituality classes at a University is tricky business. On one hand, I get a chance routinely to work with the stuff that is the most meaningful thing in life for me. And on the other hand, because I am working daily with this meaningful material, it can slowly become my business and lose the personal meaning it has for me. It is ironic, but true. And so I slowly read his words.
His first chapter talks about the primacy of love in life. I couldn’t agree more. “Love is the most important thing” and all sentences like this seem so true. We can all say them, but it is harder to live them. That is what spirituality is all about: living the insight and true we receive. I am confident we all say love is a wonderful idea, but it is not real until it is lived and given and received. When I think love, I don’t feel loved. And when I feel loved, I don’t even have to think about it!
May continues that initial chapter by acknowledging we often learn more from our failures than we do our successes. To be sure, success is fun and probably preferable. But we don’t always learn from success. Failure proves we are not in control and May is very clear that vulnerability is one of the keys to authentic loving. This resonates with me. I have known I would prefer being in control. But I also know if I am in control, whatever passes as love is not real love. And so it is that Gerald May adds grace to the mix with love.
And then came the sentences that I had forgotten, but surely meant just as much to me the last time I read it. May admits, “…mostly, my turning toward grace is a simple, wordless act of love. Grace is love happening, love in action, and I have seen so much grace in the midst of so much brokenness in myself and others, that I know we are all in love.” A few lines later, he adds about grace, “I do it as an act of love.” If I were giving this as a speech, I would pause here, look at the audience and simply let those words sink into our hearts and souls.
Something this profound has to be taken in and taken deep. It is a “marrow level” experience. If love is superficial, then grace never will happen. If love is superficial, then we are more likely to be manipulative than graceful. There’s a big difference. I continue to try to unlearn one and learn the other. Let’s spend a little more time with May’s insight.
May says that turning to grace is an act of love. Love always points to the other---even if it is love of self. Love is self-transcending in the sense it is not about my ego. This is where it differs from manipulation which is the ego trying to arrange the game so ego wins. That mode is so attractive, but it is never loving. Grace as an act of love is always a gift---a gift to the other. Ego does not give gifts. It wants to get.
And then comes May’s key idea for me: grace is love happening. Grace is love in action. In another book I know May says something like love is the resource for grace and grace is the flowering of love. It seems that he is saying something similar here. Grace is gift and love is the giving of that gift. A selfish person will never be a graceful person.
If we see grace as the flowering of love, then we are freed from the idea that grace is only needed when there is a mistake or problem. Indeed, grace is usually needed in those kinds of situations. But grace---love in action---is also needed in situations which are positive, healthy and growing. Grace can compound good things, as well as forgive bad things. Grace can be an enhancer. One way to monitor the possibility and potentiality of grace is to keep it paired with love. When I love or desire to love, I am willing to offer grace. I am a giver of a gift.
I am thankful for Gerald May’s clarity. Now I want to live out the graceful love I have.
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