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Freedom and Control

I was reading the Psalm selection that was from the Compline service that monks participate in every night.  Compline is the final time the monastic community comes together before they retire for the night.  The focus for Compline usually is on thankfulness for the day, gratitude for the night’s rest that is coming.  Compline typically acknowledges we will be in the hands of God as we spend the night in sleep.  
Even when I am with one of the more rigorous monastic traditions, like the Trappists monks who counted Thomas Merton among them, Compline is probably my favorite.  The Trappists gather for worship seven times during the day, in addition to the daily Mass.  When I am with them, I am very aware of how differently these multiple worships times shape my day compared to a normal day when I am on my own.  The monks structure their day so that it alternates the flow of the day between worship and work.  I like that rhythm.

Every one of the times of worship, some of them are fairly short---fifteen minutes or so---use some readings from the Psalms.  I also like this.  As I grew up going to church, I now know there was no intentionality to how the Bible was used.  For some Protestants, the passages pastors choose to develop sermons, etc., may have little pattern or rationale.  In the Catholic tradition and some Protestant traditions, a lectionary is used.  A lectionary is a guided set of readings.  For example, every Catholic Church in the land will use the same passages at any particular Mass.  

A monastic community works its way through all one-hundred and fifty Psalms every two weeks!  No wonder monks know the Psalms in a way I never will.  But I value my exposure to this use of Psalms and appreciate the positive benefit it has on my own spiritual life.  And so dutifully, I try to follow the lectionary of the monastic community.  And so it was, a recent evening’s Compline included the one hundred forty-third Psalm.  

A particular line in that Psalm stood out to me as I slowly read through the entire Psalm.  The Catholic translation I was using quotes Psalm 143:8 this way: “Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.”  I chose to look up a different translation, namely, the NRSV.  It quotes the same passage in this fashion: “Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”  Looking at these two different translations of the original Hebrew shows why we need to be careful when we use an English translation.  We get a good idea the meaning, but we can take it literally.  

For example, one passage mentions God’s “will.”  The other translation calls it “the way I should go.”  Obviously, these are similar and understandable, since I am making such a big deal out of it.  But imagine if I go to Catholic Mass some Sunday, I would be sure I heard a reference to God’s will in the scripture readings for the day.  In a Protestant worship, the same passage might be used from the NRSV, and the Protestant worshipper would claim never to have heard any reference to God’s will.  Same idea; different language.

Let’s focus for the moment on the first half of that quotation.  The one passage petitions God to “teach me to do your will.”  If I were not paying attention, I would probably assume it said, “teach me your will.”  But no.  The petition is that God teach me to do the will.  Presupposed in this is the fact that I already would know God’s will.  What the Psalmist suspects is usually true: I may know God’s will, but choose not to do it.  In many cases in my life, I have known the right thing to do.  I simply didn’t do it!

The NSRV translation is a little different focus, but clearly in the same direction.  Again, the petition is to be taught by God.  The Psalmist asks God to teach “the way I should go.”  Once more, the emphasis is dynamic.  The implication is I should be going somewhere---doing something.  But it is more specific than that.  I should be going the way God wants me to go.  I laugh at the impact this would have on us if we took it seriously.  It would do away from my own egocentric insistence that “I do whatever I want to do.”  No wonder no egocentric person can take this stuff seriously!

Basically what is at stake is control and freedom.  To be in relationship with God means that I begin to tamp down my own egocentric will.  In the beginning at least, this feels like giving up my freedom.  The other way to look at it is from the control perspective.  Good, individualistic Americans are usually not in favor of giving up control of their lives---to any other person or God.  We are afraid we will be made to do things we don’t want to do.  We like being in charge of our lives.

Of course, this is ultimately an illusion.  For sure, it can feel like I am in charge of my life.  I choose my breakfast food, etc.  But I am not in charge of some basics of life---for example, whether I die or, even, get sick.  I have some freedoms, but not ultimate freedom.  Finally, I think this is good and even something for which to be grateful.  But this takes some spiritual development to get there.


At the deepest level, I have learned, God is in control and I am grateful. 

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