Skip to main content

That Other Self

I went out for a jog yesterday afternoon like I have done so many times in my life.    In fact, it has been decades now.  It is so much part of me, I can’t imagine not doing it.  And yet I know someday for whatever reasons, my running/jogging days will be finished.  I certainly don’t look forward to that, but it is part of being human.  Everyone understands this about life.

So my day was unusual in no way.  But as I loped along, sometimes slowing to walk for a minute or so, I had a dawning awareness of something.  It was not novel, but it captured my attention and, then, I began to pay attention.

I know I am not a runner anymore.  I am either getting too old, have lost sufficient will to push myself, or whatever, but at best I am a jogger.  And I am ok with that.  In fact, as I indicated already about yesterday’s jog, periodically I slow to a walk before resuming the jog.  It was in such an interlude between jog and walk that something dawned on me.

I realized that I had started out to jog with little intention of interrupting the jog with a walk.  But at some point in the jog, something entered my mind that planted the seed, “Walking would not be as difficult!”  It was as if that other self in me had woken up and spoken up.  And before I knew it, I had slowed to a walk.  Why had I begun to do what I had not intended to do?

Who is or was that other self anyway?  I began to realize I differentiate my real self (the “I” or “me”) from that other self.  In my mind that other self is not as real.  But it certainly is real enough that I opted for the suggestion the other self-made that I begin walking.  It as almost as if I had to look around and wonder, “why did I just begin walking…I came out here for a jog!”

If I am honest, I know I have met that other self countless times.  Probably he has been with me most of my life.  But I always seem surprised when he shows up, suggests things, and I wantonly follow his lead.  I find myself doing things I had not intended to do. 

I am sure psychologists have dealt with this in many different ways.  I know about Carl Jung’s idea of the shadow self.  Theologians such as Thomas Merton talk about the false self.  These are explanations…nice terms to explain that other self.  I think I will go with the other self.  Whoever he is, he is internally strong enough that what he wants is what I do.  And I don’t think for a minute he is bad and the real “me” is good.

Actually, I think they both (and maybe more!) are aspects of me.  And I want to heed both.  I want to look at them in the best light.  Perhaps, they are options of my will(s).  They can be useful when I move through routine or, especially, face new things in my life.  I do not assume one is reasonable and the other more emotional and less reasonable.  They are just different.

Let me suggest they represent various desires in me.  In the example of my jog/walk, I am not surprised I went into that with both the desire to jog and desire to walk.  Both are good and both are legit.  I could have wanted to jog and to smoke.  That would have been a good desire and a less good desire! 

As I focus on desire, I think of desire as one step before my will.  What I desire leads to what I will.  It seems I was taught (or somehow learned) that humans just have one will.  I don’t think that anymore.  In many instances I do have a dominant desire that seems like I will just one thing.  But in multiple instances, I realize I have more than one desire.  Sometimes the complement each other; other times, they seem to be competing.

I do not think one desire is essentially spiritual and the other(s) is not.  Instead, these desires represent the complexity of being human.  That other self is usually not far away from the “me” who seems to be in charge.  That’s good, for I think that gives God at least two possibilities to lead me not into temptation and to deliver me from evil!  That I desire singly: to do God’s will.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I-Thou Relationships

Those of us who have read theology or, perhaps, those who are people of faith and are old enough might well recognize this title as a reminder of the late Jewish philosopher and theologian, Martin Buber.   I remember reading Buber’s book, I and Thou , when I was in college in the 1960s.   It was already a famous book by then.   I am not sure I fully understood it, but that would not be the last time I read it.   It has been a while since I looked at the book.             Buber came up in a conversation with a friend who asked if I had seen the recent article by David Brooks?   I had not seen it, but when I was told about it, I knew I would quickly locate and read that piece.   I very much like what Brooks decides to write about and what he contributes to societal conversation.   I wish more people read him and took him seriously.             Brooks’ article focused on the 2016 contentious election.   He provocatively suggests, “Read Buber, Not the Polls!”   I think Brooks puts
1 comment
Read more

Spiritual Commitment

I was reading along in a very nice little book and hit these lines about commitment.   The author, Mitch Albom, uses the voice of one of the main characters of his nonfiction book about faith to reflect on commitment.   The voice belongs to Albom’s old rabbi of the Jewish synagogue where he went until his college days.   The old rabbi, Albert Lewis, says “the word ‘commitment’ has lost its meaning.”    The rabbi continues in a way that surely would have many people saying, “Amen!”   About commitment he says, “I’m old enough when it used to be a positive.   A committed person was someone to be admired.   He was loyal and steady.   Now a commitment is something you avoid.   You don’t want to tie yourself down.”   I also think I am old enough to know that commitment was usually a positive word.   I can think of a range of situations in which commitment would have been seen to be positive.   For example, growing up was full of sports for me.   Commitment would have been presupposed t
6 comments
Read more

Inward Journey and Outward Pilgrimage

There are so many different ways to think about the spiritual life.   And of course, in our country there are so many different variations of religious experiences.   There are liberals and conservatives.   There are fundamentalists and Pentecostals.   Besides the dizzying variety of Christian traditions, there are many different non-Christian traditions.   There are the major traditions, such as Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and so on.   There are the slightly more obscure traditions, such as Sikhism, Jainism, etc.   And then there are more fringe groups and, even, pseudo-religions.   There are defining doctrines and religious practices.   Some of these are specific to a particular tradition or a few traditions, such as the koan , which is used in Zen Buddhism for example.   Other defining doctrines or practices are common across the religious board.   Something like meditation would be a good example.   Christians meditate; Buddhists meditate.   And other groups practice this spiri
3 comments
Read more