The title is what drew me to read the article. “Harvard researchers discovered the one thing
everyone needs for happier, healthier lives” was the enticing title. The Harvard researcher is Dr. Robert
Waldinger. Waldinger is a
psychiatrist. Since 2003 he is in charge
of the 75-year old Grant Study. The
Grant Study is the longest human development study, originating in 1938 when
the founder of the study chose a bunch of Harvard people to track throughout
their lifetimes.
For decades now these men and their successors have been
studied from all aspects of their lives.
We are told their physical and emotional characteristics have been
monitored. Obviously, there have been
many things that researchers have concluded.
The article summarizes the most significant finding in a single sentence
early in the article. They claim, “Relationships
are the key to a happier life.” I am not
surprised by this claim, but I am glad it seems to be confirmed in such a clear
fashion.
The original Grant Study group was soon supplemented by a
similar study of Boston inner city youth.
In many ways this group differed remarkably from the Harvard-types of
the first group. Socio-economic
differences, educational differences and many others made these two unique
groups. But they apparently had one
thing in common.
Waldinger elaborates this this finding. He says, “The happiest and healthiest
participants in both groups were the ones who maintained close, intimate
relationships.” I am intrigued by
Waldinger’s further observations. He
says that “People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find
that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain
functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not
lonely…” This is pretty simple to
understand. We can easily conclude we
should have friends and good relationships.
We will live longer and be healthier.
Now that I am getting older, I appreciated a further claim
of Waldinger. He tells us, “And good,
close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of
getting old.” I find this comforting
since I have not tried to amass a great deal of wealth or sought fame. I apparently am fairly rich in ways that are
likely to make life better and more rewarding.
The usual markers of a successful life are not as important as the
relationships we have.
The article continues with reassuring
information---reassuring for me at least.
The author claims that “Quality and intimacy, as well as stability and
consistency also matter.” It is easy to
see this in a spiritual fashion. I am
reminded of the dear words that Jesus spoke to his disciples. In John’s Gospel he tells those disciples
they are not to understand themselves as servants or slaves. Rather Jesus says, “I call you friends.” This is even richer because I know the Greek
word for “friends” is one of the Greek words for “love.” Friendship is a key way of being in
relationship.
Waldinger goes further.
He says, “Casual relationships, like the ones forged on social media
won’t do; neither will contentious ones like an abusive marriage or an
unreliable friend.” Again, this is not
surprising; in fact, I find some real solace in his words. A friend or colleague with whom I am in
conflict with is not good for my health!
Any abusive relationship is unhealthy.
All this supports the kind of thinking I do and the kind of
teaching I am still doing with younger students and, occasionally, groups of
80-year olds. For me teaching is
fostering relationships. I see Jesus as
the model for this. Maybe it is because
I teach religion and spirituality rather than chemistry or physics. I actually do not see the content of what I
teach as important as the relationships that develop. I think this article confirms for me that I
may be offering the students a good way to see how good, happy lives develop.
I think all of us on the spiritual path do well to see that
much of the spiritual journey is a journey of relationships. I see my faith and a commitment and walk with
the God who creatively continues to love me.
And just as surely, my spiritual journey is a journey with other
believers and, indeed, unbelievers. In
one sense we are all in it together!
None of us gets out alive---at least not in this earthly form.
But that does not mean life has to be morbid. We can truly live. We can have joy and our share of
happiness. Life can be a journey of grace
and, hopefully, some good health and a fair share of happiness. Maybe we cannot have it all. But we can have a big chunk of the good
life. The secret is now out.
It is the relationships as expected.
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