I think most people would agree that good things typically
happen to those who work hard for something.
Of course, we know that sometimes people get lucky. But we also know that countless folks play
the lottery, but usually only one person is the winner. The rest of the people made a
contribution! Hard work is usually the
recipe for success. And even when it
does not look like some people have worked hard to be successful, often it
simply means they have worked so hard, it now looks easy.
One of the easiest examples I can think of for myself is
public speaking. I have spoken in so
many venues over the years that I have a great deal of experience. When I was younger, I needed notes or even a
full manuscript. I was too nervous to go
without these aids. And I did not trust
what I knew. Experience speaking began
to take care of this.
At some point I realized I actually would be a better
speaker if I were not tied to the manuscript or even to my notes. It took some practice to speak and minimize
my use of the notes. Most audiences did
not know nearly as much about my subject matter as I did. In my head I knew this was true, but it was
difficult to trust in my heart.
Sometimes trust come slowly.
I grew into my trust.
As I trusted my knowledge, I was able to engage the audience much
more. I was free to move around and to
look people in the eye. It was like my
speaking became more personal. I was
able to “read” the audience in more detail.
I could tell whether they were not understanding my point, which then
allowed me to slow down and repeat it in a fresh way if I saw they did not
understand. And as people responded in a
more understanding a warm fashion, I was encouraged to do it even more.
Some might not think it was hard work to move from
manuscript to speaking more freely, but it certainly felt like work to me. And the work paid off. I was rewarded with success and this made me
even better. Success does breed
success. So it seemed, I had learned a
good lesson. And it is a good
lesson. But it also masked another
lesson.
That other lesson is sometimes we can try too hard. This is a tough lesson to learn for all of us
who learn that hard work pays off. When
this is our approach, we have to learn the paradoxical lesson: sometimes we try
too hard. How can this be, we want to
complain? Let’s look at this for some
clue.
One of the places I know we are tempted to try too hard is
meditation. Meditation is a key
spiritual discipline. And it also has
become a fashionable thing in the business world. Meditation is touted as a way to be focused,
to relax in our jobs and as a health benefit.
I think all these are true. So
why would not everyone meditate?
I suppose the easy answer is many people are too busy. Others don’t really believe it makes a
difference. And a third group will have
tried it and concluded it does not work.
It would be this group that I suspect they often tried too hard. I know I fit into this category for a
while. People of this kind tend to be
the ones who feel all good things come by virtue of hard work. If you are not succeeding, try even harder.
That usually does not work when it comes to meditation. As I write this, I am reminded of the old Zen
dictum. That saying affirms, “If you try
too hard to meditate, you can’t.” To
meditate means you sit and begin to relax.
You focus. But you don’t try and,
especially, you don’t try too hard. As I
said, this can go against the grain of the tendency of some of us like me. If I am not succeeding, my tendency is to try
harder. Put more effort into it has been
a personal mantra. In most cases this
seems to work. In meditation it won’t
work.
Instead I need to be reminded to relax. I need some Zen master reminding me: “Quit
trying. Quit trying not to try. Quit quitting.” While this sounds funny, it is true. If someone tells me to quit, I turn that into
a work. I try not to try! When I write it, it seems silly. But in the moment I realize I am trying not
to try! The Zen master is right! Not only will my effort not work; it will
prohibit any grow in meditative practice.
I need to learn to sit there and let go. Letting go sounds so simple---so easy. Sure, let go, I think. And part of me wants to say, “I’m trying!” And that’s the problem. I am trying not to try! This is where I need to get back to a trust
level. I need to trust the process will
bring to a place I want to be and it us not up to me. I need to give myself the grace of not
trying.
Grace is always a gift.
And grace is always difficult for all of us who are so used to
trying. And if that does not work, try
harder. In many cases effort is the way
to succeed. When it comes to meditation,
effort often is a blocker, not a booster.
Quit trying too hard. Quit trying.
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