I just read an article that touched me. It was a story of personal experience. It was a story about grace, as the author
narrates it. And it contained the lovely
phrase at the end that serves as the title for this inspirational reflection.
The author, Tom Smith, is not someone I know although I have
since discovered he has written a few books.
The title of the little article is “Light touching my soul---40 years
later, I am finally ready to look at this intense moment of grace.” Smith begins to recount his experience in
1975 in the fourth pew in Dahlgren Chapel on the campus of Georgetown
University. Smith says he knew he was in
the fourth pew and then he began not to know.
I like how he engaged me with his narration. He said, I did not know where I was, but I
felt a light touching my soul. It was a
peaceful, stirring, fully engaging, and warm with a gentle tingle that I knew
was massaging my spirit.” I find this
description moving and powerful. Clearly
it seemed to me, he was describing some sort of mystical or unitive
experience. But he was not yet using
that terminology. Nevertheless, I wanted
to linger in the middle of his experience.
In this first instance, this obviously was coming as a
gift. As he will say later, in a way he
prepared for this for a long time. He
had studied religion, had done weekend retreats and so forth. But like most of us, he understood you can’t
manufacture a mystical experience just because you want one! They always come as gift. The way I read the Christian tradition
anyway, is you are called into relationship with God and are called to be
obedient in developing and following that relationship. No fancy experiences are guaranteed.
I like how Smith said he felt a light touching his
soul. In our rational minds it makes no
sense to say a light “touches” us. We
see light; we might sense light.
Furthermore, that light touches his soul. In reading this I realize all over that
mystical experiences are literally impossible to describe. Language is inadequate. But we have to do the best we can. So we use images, such as light. And in the experience light can touch souls.
I love how he describes the touch: peaceful, stirring, fully
engaging and warm. That sounds like a
good deal to me! And then I almost
laughed when he said it was “massaging my spirit.” What a great image---a soul massage! I was ready for the rest of his description
of that experience.
Smith says, “I felt the light absorb me and infuse me with
an acceptance and verification, words that do not do justice to the experience
but are still minimally accurate.”
Again, this is powerful language.
Verbs like “absorb” and “infuse” seem to be not only touching, but also
blessedly invasive. Simply speaking, we
could say he was all taken up into the experience---the Spirit of God.
The result is great.
He felt accepted and verified.
What else could a human being finally want except to be accepted and
validated---sure he or she is true and for real? What is interesting is Smith did not know
what to do with all this in the moment.
Because of this, Smith said he locked that experience in his “mental
safe deposit box.” Only 40 years later
is he ready to deal with it again.
As he now ponders it, Smith arrives at conclusions I also
would make. He says, “I now suspect that
I was blessed with an intense moment of unmerited grace.” Then he adds his definition of grace, which I
think is a great one. “Grace, I am
convinced, is not a thing, but a relationship with God.” I would go on to add that I believe there are
two kinds of grace at work here. The
first kind of grace is what I would call “general grace.” That is the grace---the gift, if you will---that
pulls all of us into and sustains our relationship with God and with each
other.
General grace is usually not splashy or spectacular. In fact, over long periods of time it feels
very normal and ordinary. Often we are
experiencing this kind of grace and we don’t even know it. That kind of grace can give way to what could
be called “special grace.” This is the
kind of grace that came to Tom Smith that day in 1975 in the Georgetown
University Chapel. It gifted him with an
extraordinary encounter with the Spirit.
I love how he ends the little article. He notes, “There are ‘moments of intensity’
in this dynamic relationship, and I had an intense one in July 1975 in the
Georgetown chapel.” I can almost see him
smile when he continues, “I have not had another one like that since. But I guess I don’t need another one, since I
am barely catching up with the first one.”
All of us are wrapped in the general grace of God. Occasionally and for no apparent reason, some
of us at some point may be granted some special grace. When that happens, we will get our own moment
of intensity.
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