Grateful Disposition

Every time David Brooks publishes something, I try to read it.  I find him dealing with so many issues that attract my attention.  And he thinks about them in a way that helps me form my own take on things.  Most of what he thinks about is the stuff that would make the world a much better place to live and work, if we would just actualize his perspective.

He wrote a recent Op-Ed entitle, “The Structure of Gratitude.”  It figures, so I thought.  I have actually been doing some things with gratitude in some of the retreats and training sessions I do for groups and for businesses.  What he offered was not novel for me.  But it was reinforcing and refreshing to see how he framed the gratitude perspective and how he articulated its benefits.  Let’s me share some of that with you.

Let’s start at the end, because if the end is not very good, then how he got there does not make much difference.  That betrays the fact that I like where his article finishes.  Brooks says, “people with grateful dispositions see their efforts grandly but not themselves.  Life does not surpass their dreams but it nicely surpasses their expectations.”  Brooks makes a few neat analytical distinctions here. 

In the first place he distinguishes between our efforts and ourselves.  That is simple and profound.  Brooks does not put down the efforts of people.  In fact he claims that grateful people might even be doing “grand” efforts.  And they feel good about their efforts.  There is not hint of false modesty or fake humility.  But the next distinguishing move is to say our efforts are the focus, not ourselves.  This takes care of big egos and it takes care of egomaniacs doing things to gain attention or accolades. 

What a wonderful world it would be if the egomaniacs would change their perspective.  Become grateful rather than prideful.  Take pride in your efforts.  Do good and enjoy the good deed.  Make significant contributions and be grateful for the chance to make such gifts. 

Secondly, Brooks focuses on expectations.  This is a theme that runs throughout his Op-Ed.  That is a great one for me to ponder.  I certainly have expectations.  Most people do; that is normal.  Grateful people understand that life has dreams (or at least, the good life will have dreams).  Dreams are good; they pull us into a bigger, richer future than living life with no dream.  Without dreams we may be condemned to live a nightmarish life.  No fun!

For the grateful person life does not surpass their dreams, but it does surpass their expectations.  Expectations usually shape how we see things.  Expectations often cause a kind of tension in life.  We set up a “if we do this, that will happen.”  Brooks helps us to see more clearly how this dynamic operates.  He opens his article with a story about expectations.  And then concludes that expectations powerfully “structure our moods and emotions.”  I wholeheartedly agree with him.

Then he draws an early conclusion.  “The beautiful emotion of gratitude” structures our moods and emotions more than any expectation.  I like how he develops this argument by offering a quick sense of how gratitude works.  “Gratitude happens when some kindness exceeds expectations, when it is undeserved.”  So true.  He dis not latch on to a key idea at this point that I might have expected. 

There is a clear linguistic link between gratitude and grace.  Grace is nothing more than a gift.  And the only appropriate response to a gift is to be thankful---grateful.  Brooks is correct to suggest that if we get what we expect, there is less reason to be grateful.  To get what we expected does not structure the situation that produces gratitude.  But if I get more than I expected, I tend to be grateful.  “Wow, thanks!”

The next sentence from Brooks nails it for me.  He artfully suggests, “Gratitude is a sort of laughter of the heart that comes about after some surprising kindness.”  I really like the idea that gratitude is the laughter of the heart.  That is better than heartache or a heart attack any day!  Clearly, it is a cause for gratitude.  As he develops his thoughts, Brooks is arguing for formation of a grateful disposition.  I think this can rightly be called a spiritual formation.  If we could do this, it would become a version of building the Kingdom of God.

At one point Brooks employs a quotation from G.K. Chesterton, an early 20^th century English writer on religion.  Brooks cites the saying of Chesterton that “thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”  That is delightfully articulated.  Thanks are the highest form of thought.  That is worth remembering and honoring.

And gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.  Who would not want a grateful life that yields happiness doubled by wonder?  That is so good it might be hard to experience.  And that may just why so many of us expect less and get exactly that---less.