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Sacrificial Love

The story in the article began with an engaging interaction.  “A parishioner walks up to her pastor and says, ‘I want to give you my kidney.’  Pastor smiles and says, ‘OK.’  Don't expect a punch line.  It's no joke.”  The story comes from an encounter in a Roman Catholic Church in West Simsbury, CT---St. Catherine of Sienna Parish.  Father Michael Whyte arrived as parish priest in 2008.  Due to diabetes and other complicating factors, he was in need of a new kidney.  One day at Mass he let the parishioners know he was on a waiting list.

This is a sad story, but certainly not a unique story.  Fr. Whyte has an advantage because he could assume people would care about him.  We all know there are many people in the world in need of something and no one cares.  That is always tragic.  Fr. Whyte would not have been surprised that many within the church offered to get tested to see if they were a match.

The story gets interesting when Margaret Domashinski enters the picture.  She belonged to St. Catherine and we read that she “already knew she would be the one.”  She is quoted: “I knew I was a match.”  She adds for good measure, “I know that sounds kind of spooky, but it’s true.  I knew.”  Asked why she would even think about doing it, she replied in a matter-of-fact manner.  “He needed a transplant. He needed a kidney.”

I had to smile.  Had I asked her that, I could imagine she would look at me like I was dense or stupid!  She does it because he needs a kidney.  Any dummy should be able to understand that.  And of course, I do understand it.  What I am slow to understand are all the spiritual lessons being taught in this story.  She is giving us an advance course on sacrificial giving---sacrificial love.  And because I still have too much self-interest, it is difficult for me to fathom this kind of action.

Of course, I know the story of Jesus and his sacrificial love.  Because I know that story so well, at one level it does not seem very real.  After all, for many people he was a savior.  Of course, saviors do that for people.  But not someone with my name or the name of Margaret Domashinski!

The story continues its unbelievable message.  Margaret did give her kidney and Fr. Whyte did have the transplant.  When asked about his perspective, he is as nearly flummoxed as I was.  He could not believe she did it.  He said she offered it “like it was a doughnut.”  The transplant went well.  Apparently he was healthy enough to celebrate Mass soon after that.  And of course, Margaret was right up front.

I loved her line: “And I was sitting in front saying, 'Yeah, that's mine! You'll get 30 years out of it!”  The priest is doing very well.  Of course, no one is worrying about Margaret Domashinski!  There are so many ways to read this story.  In one way I see it as a challenge.  It is a challenge to me because I don’t think I am capable of love at that level.  Talking about love like this is easy.  Having to act lovingly like this would be a showstopper for most of us.  It makes someone like Margaret very intriguing.  What does she have that I don’t.  I am not jealous; I am intrigued.

 An obvious question is why would Margaret be willing to do this good act?  Many of us would find it a bit easier to understand if it were her own kid or maybe some other family member.  But a priest?  Even if she liked him a great deal?  It seems apparent to me the only answer is love---sacrificial love in this case.  It is a heroic act.  For sure, she is not giving her life.  But she does have to go through surgery and recover.  She is giving up one kidney and now is one kidney away from her own problem.  There are so many human, rational ways to see this as an almost superhuman act.

The only other way I can see it and understand it is as a spiritual action.  She has such a sense of her own dignity as a child of God and the priest’s dignity as a child of God, too, that she apparently cannot imagine not doing it.  When asked why she would consider it, her answer was almost funny.  Her upbringing shaped her.  She said she learned, “You're not here just to be a piece of furniture.”  Now that makes sense to me!  I agree that I am not here on earth to be a piece of furniture either.

Put in spiritual terms, we are children of God and we are put here on earth to do God’s work.  Surely a central facet of that divine work is love.  We were loved into being and we are supposed to love---to love God, ourselves and others.  If someone needs a kidney and we have two, why not share one of ours?  The question is simple; she saw it and did it. 

I like Fr. Whyte’s comment to her: “So this is really a miracle. It's a gift of life.”  Maybe that says it all.  Love always gives life---it creates life and re-creates life.  Love is constructive.  And the highest kind of love we can offer is sacrificial love.  Clearly for Christians this is precisely the story of Jesus.  And now that I know about Margaret Domashinski, that is her story too.    
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