Sometimes I wonder if I would make it as a monk! Actually I don’t really wonder, because I am
fairly sure I would blow it. There is so
much about being a monk that I find attractive.
But I fear that I idealize what being a monk means. And that is funny, since I have been to any
number of monasteries and convents and actually know quite a few monks and
nuns.
If I am honest, what really attracts me is not being a monk,
but it is the way of life that monks and nuns undertake. That attraction is deepened by the fact that
a group of them undertake that life together in community. And they do that life together with such
intentionality. I am sure that
intentionality is a big piece of the attraction for me and it is probably why I
know I would blow it! That is because
intentionality has to be married to discipline to be effective.
So I content myself to staying on the margins of monastic
life. Fortunately the monastic community
welcomes people who like to do as much as we can. And I can honestly say that some days I do
better and some days I am a dismal failure.
And I really know this has little to do with monks and the monastic
ways. I know there are some Quakers and
Methodists and a whole bunch of others who do their spiritual lives as fully as
the monks and nuns. I know that one does
not have to join the monastery to be fully spiritual.
So I, a humble Quaker, continue to live at the monastic
margins and give thanks for the assistance the monastic tradition offers to
help me on my spiritual journey. One
such big help is the lectionary---the daily readings that I know take place
every day in the Benedictine monasteries across this land. I know the very disciplined monks, like my
monastic friends at Gethsemani Abbey in Kentucky, do worship seven times a
day! I know I can do it too. When I visit Gethsemani, I get up and “go to
church” at 3:15am for the first of seven times!
The last one happens at 7:30pm, which makes quite a day!
With the lectionary I try to participate in one or two of
those seven options. I always know there
will be readings from the Psalms and from scripture. I appreciate the routine of exposure to that
spiritual resource. Last night, for
example, I was able to tune into the Compline reading---that reading I know my
monk friends were doing at 7:30.
I saw that one of the Psalm passages to be read was Psalm
16. I loved the opening words. “Preserve me, Lord.” What a wonderful prayer. For sure, it makes sense as a prayer said as
one is heading to bed. Through the night
we pray, preserve me Lord. Another
translation says, “Protect me, Lord.”
Then the Psalmist says, “I put my hope in you.” I like that intentionality to hope in the
Lord. God is my hope, I think. But the sneaky question pops into my head: do
I really live life with hope in God? I
push this thought a little further. Can
I honestly say in what I hope?
I am sure I have many hopes.
I have hopes for my kids and, now, my grandkids. I have hopes for my students, my friends,
etc. These are valid hopes and good
hopes. But I recognize they are not
ultimate hopes. I wonder if there cannot
be but one ultimate hope? I want to be
able to say---and to live---into that one ultimate hope, namely, my hope in
God.
Then I could join the Psalmist in the next line. “You are my Lord, in you alone is all my
good.” I want that to be more than words
on a page or on the screen. I want that
to be more than a good idea or a lofty ideal.
I want it to be real---to be incarnated in my life on a daily
basis. The Psalmist continues: “You,
Lord, are my inheritance and my cup. You
control my destiny, the lot marked out for me is of the best, my inheritance is
all I could ask for.”
At my age I don’t think about inheritance! Rather I think about what my kids will
inherit when I am gone. Not much, I dare
say! But what if it is true that I do
have an inheritance? What if God is my
inheritance? The good news is I could
start drawing on this inheritance in this lifetime. I don’t have to be dead to get something.
Put my life in God’s hands and embrace the destiny laid out
for me. I note the Psalmist did not say
pre-destiny. I have a destiny; God can
be my inheritance. Of course, I can
still say no thanks! That is what is so
easy to do. Say no thanks and go about
living my life exactly the way I want to live it. “Not thy will, but my will.” That is what the monks have given up. That is why I find them---or their way of
life---attractive.
I want to embrace that way of life and claim my
inheritance. I want to engage the
destiny God has in mind for me. And
through the process I can pray, “Preserve me, Lord.”
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