Skip to main content

Just Say No

The title of this inspirational message might seem like an advertisement for some kind of drug treatment program or a stop smoking campaign.  Or perhaps more likely, it sounds like an early teenage admonition to refrain from sex.  And indeed, it could be all of the above, since they are all legitimate and worthwhile campaigns.

I actually got the idea from the words of the late Trappist monk, Thomas Merton.  I have quoted Merton enough that folks know how much I like him.  Part of the appeal of Merton, I’m sure, is that part of his life overlapped my own life.  Merton lived into the 1960s, which was the decade of so much of my own personal and spiritual formation.  When Merton tragically died in Bangkok, Thailand in 1968, I was already in graduate school studying theology.  Merton was the most unlikely person to have become a strict Catholic monk.

He had spent his early years living in France, England and the USA.  He was a bright, curious young guy who had little sense of himself or his place.  Moving around and staying with parents, grandparents and others gave him a sense of the world, but little sense of his personal identity.  He went through phases: atheistic, communistic, religious phases and more.  His life was a quest---a quest for meaning, for identity and for belonging.  Ironically, he chose finally to pursue that quest in a fairly strict monastic setting in the hills of Kentucky.
 
Above all, Merton was a writer.  His writings are transparent.  You can read his works and, especially, his journals and watch him “working out life.”  He kept growing and changing.  I like that part of him.  I find him inspiring---not in the way that I want to be like him, but in an area that I do want to be like him.  I want to be like him in the sense that I, too, want to grow in significant ways.   

Merton chose a monastery that prized a great deal of silence and solitude.  I value these, as well.  I think they are important components of any spiritual journey.  If I am not silent---at least some of the time---I never hear any music in my mind except the elevator music of the world.  I never hear the Divine melodies.  If I am not alone---at least some of the time---I never can find my true self.  I want to be like Merton in that quest. 

One would think Merton chose the optimum place for that quest.  But that means we don’t know monasteries!  Actually Merton found too many meaningless requests for his time and effort.  He sensed too many demands from monks and non-monks alike.  As he became famous, it got worse.  It sounds like an oxymoron to talk about a “busy monk,” but that describes precisely Merton’s problem. 

It is just such a context in one of his journals in January 1961, that I hit these poignant words.  Merton says, “To be freed from involvements---on all sides.”   And then it gets better.  Merton adds, “To know when, how and to whom to say no!  Considerable notes and difficulties.  Not to want to hurt people certainly, but not being too anxious to placate them.”  I wince at how true that is. 

It makes me ponder all my involvements.  Most of them are good involvements.  They are all legal and some are even laudable.  But do I need them?  Are they helping me with the central aim of my life: to live and to love?   And to ponder even more closely that challenging words of Merton is a real chore.  Do I know when, how and to whom to say no?  I fear my answer is no…no, I don’t know when.  No, I don’t know how.  And no, I don’t know to whom I should say no.  

And I fear that if I have insufficient time of silence and solitude, then I will never figure this out.  And if I never figure this out, I will not experience any spiritual growth.  Instead I will be captive in my context.  And it really is not my context; it is my social context.  All the people and the sounds/noise of my world are my context.   

Again, the people in my social context are not bad.  In fact, most of them are good and some are already enrolled in the sainthood program!  And the sounds of my social context are not awful.  Some are actually quite sweet.  But they fill my space and that leaves no room for grace. 

The answer?  Just say no.  “No” is the road to freedom.  It frees me from the captivity of my context.  “No” is different than “never.”  If I tell someone or something “no,” it does not mean I can’t come back to it and re-engage.  Just say no.  Give myself a chance and a choice.

Just say no.  Choose some silence and solitude so, in turn, I can grow spiritually and deepen service.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I-Thou Relationships

Those of us who have read theology or, perhaps, those who are people of faith and are old enough might well recognize this title as a reminder of the late Jewish philosopher and theologian, Martin Buber.   I remember reading Buber’s book, I and Thou , when I was in college in the 1960s.   It was already a famous book by then.   I am not sure I fully understood it, but that would not be the last time I read it.   It has been a while since I looked at the book.             Buber came up in a conversation with a friend who asked if I had seen the recent article by David Brooks?   I had not seen it, but when I was told about it, I knew I would quickly locate and read that piece.   I very much like what Brooks decides to write about and what he contributes to societal conversation.   I wish more people read him and took him seriously.             Brooks’ article focused on the 2016 contentious election.   He provocatively suggests, “Read Buber, Not the Polls!”   I think Brooks puts

Spiritual Commitment

I was reading along in a very nice little book and hit these lines about commitment.   The author, Mitch Albom, uses the voice of one of the main characters of his nonfiction book about faith to reflect on commitment.   The voice belongs to Albom’s old rabbi of the Jewish synagogue where he went until his college days.   The old rabbi, Albert Lewis, says “the word ‘commitment’ has lost its meaning.”    The rabbi continues in a way that surely would have many people saying, “Amen!”   About commitment he says, “I’m old enough when it used to be a positive.   A committed person was someone to be admired.   He was loyal and steady.   Now a commitment is something you avoid.   You don’t want to tie yourself down.”   I also think I am old enough to know that commitment was usually a positive word.   I can think of a range of situations in which commitment would have been seen to be positive.   For example, growing up was full of sports for me.   Commitment would have been presupposed t

Inward Journey and Outward Pilgrimage

There are so many different ways to think about the spiritual life.   And of course, in our country there are so many different variations of religious experiences.   There are liberals and conservatives.   There are fundamentalists and Pentecostals.   Besides the dizzying variety of Christian traditions, there are many different non-Christian traditions.   There are the major traditions, such as Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and so on.   There are the slightly more obscure traditions, such as Sikhism, Jainism, etc.   And then there are more fringe groups and, even, pseudo-religions.   There are defining doctrines and religious practices.   Some of these are specific to a particular tradition or a few traditions, such as the koan , which is used in Zen Buddhism for example.   Other defining doctrines or practices are common across the religious board.   Something like meditation would be a good example.   Christians meditate; Buddhists meditate.   And other groups practice this spiri