There are a few people I very much like to read whatever
they write. And I would go some
considerable distance to hear them speak.
One such person is David Brooks.
His columns appear in many newspapers around the country. I have never heard him speak, but I have a
friend who has heard him and was duly impressed. Brooks strikes me as one who has an
insightful mind, a keen spirit and one who still has a vision for our country
and, indeed, for humanity as a whole.
Recently, I read one of his columns. The focus was when to follow convention, that
is, when should we go along with tradition or do whatever all the other folks
are doing. Alternatively, when should we
consider going it alone? When do we say
no to the conventional and strike out on our own? As usual, I was captivated by the analysis
Brooks offered on this matter. Let me
pick out some of the key points, since I think they easily relate to our
spiritual journeys.
Brooks began by dealing with the stereotypical American
mythology that we are a country of rugged individualists. In my own day this was epitomized by the
Marlboro man. I suppose that was an
appealing figure, even for those of us who never smoked. The Marlboro man was a good-looking,
outdoors’ kind of guy. He dressed like
the solitary cowboy who was independent, strong and would surely get his
way. He was the appropriate alter-ego
for all of us who were more dependent, not so strong and seemed hardly to ever
get our own way. We could live
vicariously through him.
This figure surely never really cared what other folks
thought. He was his own man---a man’s
man (whatever that was supposed to mean).
You could be his friend, but he did not need you! And this is precisely where David Brooks’
analysis kicked in to make a convincing point.
And Brooks’ point seems to me to be a key spiritual point.
Brooks comments, “In reality, of course, we do care what
other people think. We are wired to
connect, to seek the admiration of others.
We want to be part of community…”
Based on my own experience, he is exactly on target. It seems clear to me that most of us do care
what other people think. We may pretend
that we don’t care, but for most folks, this is a lie. We care deeply. Brooks even believes we are wired to connect
and we naturally seek admiration of others.
Again, I think he is correct.
I think this comes close to a spiritual axiom of mine. I believe were all created in the image and
likeness of the Holy One. We were
created by God’s love and we were created for love. That love has a double focus. We were created to be in a loving
relationship with the Creator and we were also created to be in loving
relationships with each other. Again
Brooks gets it right when he says that we want to be part of community.
Community is a huge word for me; it is a deep spiritual
word. The dual love-focus with God and
with each other is captured in the word community. We were not created to be Marlboro men and
women. It might be true that we don’t
need each other (although I doubt that).
But it is true---spiritually true---that we want each other. Love is a driver to relationships and to
community. To be an outsider and to snub
love is to be strange and estranged. In
fact, it is anti-communal!
The next point Brooks makes is a telling critique of our
times and our culture. He says, “we live
at a time of intense social insecurity.”
For some reason, that is both funny and sad. It is funny because it seems to be a play on
words. Some of us are old enough to be
getting social security…and yet we live in a time of intense social
insecurity! And it is sad because it is
doubtlessly true. The alternative, of
course, is love and community.
Brooks makes one final point to introduce here. He comments, “We are also living during an
epidemic of conditional love. Many
parents bestow or withdraw affection depending on how well their children are
achieving, producing millions of young people without secure emotional
foundations, who pine for any kind of approval.” Even if this is only half true, it is
tragic.
Again, it is a spiritual indictment of our culture. Conditional love means there are conditions
you have to meet to gain love. It is our
way of saying, “I will love you if…” It
is hard to imagine The Divine One saying that.
I am convinced there is in the heart of each one of us a longing for the
assurance of holy Love and the solace of human love that comes through
community. We pine for the assurance of
relationships that confirm and comfort us in our deepest places.
All of this is why, ultimately, the spiritual figures are
more appropriately Jesus, the Buddha, Mohammed, Moses and so many other
religious giants. They knew the power of
spiritual relationships and the peace of the spiritual communities. In my heart of hearts, I want what they
wanted. I am ready to leave this culture
of intense social insecurity.
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