I prepared
innocently to listen to a short PBS interview with my monk-friend, Brother
Paul. Brother Paul has been a long-time
monk at the Abbey of Gethsemani in Kentucky, where I have taken students who
were studying another monk of that monastery, Thomas Merton. As regular readers of this inspirational
reflection know, Merton is one of my favorites, even though he has been dead
since 1968. To give perspective, Brother
Paul entered Gethsemani before Merton’s death and was even mentored by Merton
in the early 1960s.
During the
short interview Brother Paul used a phrase that profoundly struck me the moment
he uttered it. He talked about the
“chemistry of gratitude.” I loved that
phrase! Gratitude is thanks; thanks is
another word for grace.
Gratitude---grace---is the response to a gift. Gratitude is a wonderful combination of
science and theology; chemistry and grace.
It instantly gave me a new way to imagine grace and how grace might work
in the human heart. I like the idea of
grace being like a chemical reaction. It
is a powerful image.
Let’s dive a
little deeper into the context of the line with the phrase within it. Br. Paul had just been asked by the
interviewer why so many people are intrigued with the monastery and monks, but
so few want to sign on for this kind of life?
Fascinatingly, Br. Paul turns to the issue of identity to answer this
question. He says that most people latch
onto careers and a home to establish an identity. That makes sense to most of us, I should
think. The most normal question many of
us get asks us, “what do you do?” In
this question folks presuppose we are who we are because of what we do. Work defines identity. In his typical ironical fashion, Br. Paul flip-flops
this. What
monks do in a monastery, he says, "is in a sense forsake our
identity."
We give up
our identity to get a new identity, which really God formulates for us.” Of course, this is where the irony is likely
too much for most of us. It is difficult
to imagine that we don’t “make our own way.”
It is nearly impossible to imagine that if we forsake our identity, God
will formulate one for us. Literally,
this seems unbelievable! The normal
retort would be, “if we don’t do it, no one will.”
So we
shoulder (usually alone) the burden of making ourselves. We take on the task of “making ourselves into
somebody---maybe even somebody important.”
We can be driven by fear of failure.
Often we are anxious of our weaknesses and foibles. Even if we “make it,” we are not sure we can
sustain it. What if we get sick? What happens, as we get older? The sick and the elderly have a tougher time
answering appropriately the question, “what do you do?”
Can you
imagine the hilarity of Br. Paul’s answer!
He is an old monk and a poet!
Talk about useless! He does not
do much and what he does, is not worth much in the eyes of our world bent on
productivity and pricing. No wonder no
one wants to be a monk! And no wonder
most of us would never trust God to formulate our identity.
Playfully,
Br. Paul tells us we don’t have to go to the monastery “to seek what is
important.” I don’t know whether this is
a relief or a challenge! Then he moves
on to the key line with the great phrase.
Br. Paul
assures us that “if you just sort of rest with what you have, be grateful for
it, there again the chemistry of gratitude can transform what you have.” Clearly, the hard part for many of us is to
“rest with what you have.” This is
somehow un-American. We are supposed to
want more, aren’t we? We are not
supposed to be content; we are to work harder to get more to be happier. That is what so many are taught. Spirituality can get in the way of this. Certainly becoming a monk entirely messes it
up!
We do need to
be transformed. And that is always the
job of God---of grace. And when that
transformational process happens, we will be new creatures, as the Apostle Paul
says (and as Br. Paul knows all so well).
Too often, I confess, I am so busy creating and maintaining my own
identity that I don’t have time nor the appetite to let God graciously
transform me into who it is God might want me to be.
Oh, I might
claim that I want that. But I want to be
God’s child on my own terms. I don’t
dare wander into the laboratory of God’s graceful, transformational chemistry
experiments. I might change; I might
lose control. I might turn out to be a
miracle! Now that would be
something. I would indeed be full of
gratitude for this experience.
I know
somewhere Br. Paul is smiling. He knows
how easy and, yet, so scary this chemical transformation is. But I know the deep gratitude of his heart. I long for that, too.
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