Be Honest With God

            Not long ago, I read a good reflection on Lent by James Martin, a Jesuit whom I have met, but can’t claim we are old friends.  Martin has high visibility within the Catholic Church, in part because of his prophetic in some areas that are often controversial in the Church.  This makes him only more attractive to me.  While I don’t always agree with his positions on issues, I take seriously someone who has heard and responded to God call in ways that Martin has. 

            In Martin’s Lenten reflections, he offers this compelling title, “Be honest with God when you pray.”  I decided this was good advice for any season, not only Lent.  I invite you to look with me at some of what Martin says. At the outset, he asks an intriguing question about Lent.  “…how many of us think of this as a time to jump-start our daily prayer?”  Hence, Martin’s real concern is not Lent, but prayer.  Prayer is good in Lent and at any other time, too.  I suspect that many of us need to jump-start our prayer life.  In fact, many of us probably need to start---or start again---our life of prayer.  It seems prayer and procrastination go really well together!

            It is interesting how Martin develops his thoughts.  The first thing he tells us is “Letting God come to know you is essential in your relationship with God.”  That is interesting to me because I suspect most folks assume that God already knows us.  It is surprising to hear Martin tells us we need to let God know who we are.  This implies we can hide in our relationship with God, just as we often hide in our relationships with others.  This is precisely what Martin means.  Listen to Martin tells us in his own words.  “Letting yourself be known in this relationship means, more or less, the same as it does in any relationship…”.

            This reminds me of what too often I want from prayer and, perhaps, I am much like other people.  I want prayer to be the kind of relationship that gives me what I want.  I prefer that it come with no muss and no fuss.  Comically, I would be ok with a prayer machine that dispenses prayers of my choice much like the vending machine that kicks out a Pepsi or chocolate bar upon pushing the right button!  Of course, I contend, I really don’t think that way, but sometimes I treat prayer that way.  Actions speak louder than words.

            Martin’s counsel goes on.  “You must speak about your life, share your feelings and reveal yourself openly.  Honesty is an important part of this process.  Honesty is an essential part of prayer.”  Again, this seems surprising because I doubt that any of us feel like we lie to God.  But if we are forthright about it, we might realize we are not quite being accurate.  I know I would not say I lie to God.  But admittedly, I do fudge the truth when I don’t fully share with God. 

            In my case and probably many other folks, we carry our self-image into our prayer life, just like we do all other relationships.  We all have a self-image.  When I read the psychiatrist and spiritual writer, Gerald May, he helps me understand how I have created my self-image.  And I have created it.  As my favorite monk, Thomas Merton, tell it, many of us are living out of what he calls the “false self.”  My self-image can be part of the false self.  For example, my image of myself is that I am not a liar.  But I know this is not true.

            Often it is the little things.  Someone asks, “How do I look,” and I fudge the truth.  I say something like, “Fine,” but I really don’t think they look fine.  People pleasers say all kinds of things they really don’t think is true.  They say things in order to get someone else to feel good about them, etc.  The examples could go on.

            When I consider all this, I realize why Martin tells us we should be honest in prayer.  In our relationship with God, we need to be honest.  In fact, prayer is a good time to come to know our “true self,” as Merton says.  When we come to know our true self, then we have the chance to start living as a true self.  That is my quest.  I still feel like a beginner.  But I am convinced this is what God wants for me and I want it, too.

            Martin is quite clear about the consequences of not being honest in relationship.  “Usually, the relationship begins to grow cold, distant or formal.  If you’re avoiding something unpleasant, the relationship devolves into one defined by nothing more than social niceties.  Eventually the relationship dies.  It’s the same way with prayer.”  Martin has offered some insight to me.  For me at least, there have been times when prayer was nonexistent because the relationship has died.  When the relationship dies, how could there be prayer?

            Maybe this is the time to touch on the theme of resurrection.  Where there is death, there is always the potentiality of resurrection---new life.  Dead relationships can be resurrected.  They can live again.  That is absolutely true with our prayer life.  We can always turn to---and return to---God.  God is ready to open the tomb of our dead places. 

            I appreciate James Martin and his helpful reflections on prayer.  To be sure, those words are challenging.  They seem simple: be honest.  Be honest with God.