The Hidden Life

    After a few decades of teaching, I have learned some things. A person would be a fool to claim he or she has seen everything. Humans are capable of incredible novelty, so things continue to happen in the classroom and outside that I never would have imagined. A long time ago (1966), Clint Eastwood was in a mediocre movie called, “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” I think that probably characterizes so much of life. We see all three elements.

    I would like to comment on one major thing I have come to expect in the classroom full of students. Very often, there is a subterranean level in the life of students that usually does not show. I may or may not come to know about it. And this subterranean level of life comes as the good, the bad and the ugly. When it surfaces, I am always amazed and grateful. Allow me to offer some detail.

    What I mean by the subterranean level of life is the “stuff” of life that is going on in a student, but an outside observer does not see it nor can guess anything is going on. I share a very good example of a recent classroom experience. All of my classes are discussion-based. Often the students sit in a circle. That is a plus for many reasons. It enables face-to-face encounters. It minimizes the authority of me standing in front of a bunch of rows of seats. Ultimately, I believe, it enhances the chance of community forming from a classroom full of students.

    The experience I want to share happened during what seemed to me to be a normal session of class. It was still relatively early in the semester, so I was just beginning to know the students. A young woman began to talk some about the first paper she had just written. Typically, there is an experiential aspect to the paper. I did not know her. As she was sharing, it occurred to me that she seemed more mature than the average college student. She was thoughtful and articulate. One aspect of the paper asked the student to deal with the issue of motivation.

    During the sharing from the young woman, she mentioned---almost in passing---her child. I am not even sure most of the students picked up on the reference. Like most Americans, students don’t really listen very well. But I heard it! And I also realized this made the young woman special among us. My guess is no one else in the whole classroom had a small child. Immediately, I asked her if I had heard correctly? Indeed, she proudly told us she had a three-year old daughter. The little girl is named Carmen, which I know in Latin means “sing and song.”

    At this point, you could almost feel students in the circle sit up in their chairs. They recognized the young woman in a new way---with some admiration and appreciation. Here was a young woman going through what they all were doing---coming to class, writing papers---and she had a kid. She continued by saying she had a full load of classes and worked many hours per week. I am sure many of the other students realized they had it pretty easy in comparison. I do, too. I don’t have to worry about kids any more. It is easier.

    This example demonstrates what I mean my the subterranean level. The young woman had Carmen the first day of class, but none of us knew it. You could look at the woman and never guess she had a kid. It did not show. But once we learned this fact of her life, she became more real. She was someone we all respect. We recognize life is more demanding for her than the normal student. But Carmen represents the good in her life.

    Because I have taught for years, I also know there are no doubt some students in the circle whose father died when they were still young. That is not good. Others may have mothers at home struggling with cancer. A grandparent may have Alzheimer’s. Sometimes tears are just beneath the surface. It is only as we come to know this about each other that we are able truly to know each other. Knowing each other allows us to go deeper and to share from these deeper places.

    It is truly an amazing and awful experience to be known at a deep level. Often we don’t want to be vulnerable to our depths. But if we choose not to stay at the surface level, we never will be loved the way we desire and deserve. If we are not willing to be vulnerable, we will not be able to love another as we desire and deserve. Spiritually, it is right to say that we have hearts that ache to be known deeply, to love deeply and to be loved deeply.

    I get sad when I think how much of contemporary life is lived so superficially. Many of us are living our normal lives with our subterranean level hidden from all others. This means we can’t be known. Occasionally, someone comes along who knows how to be with us, who knows how to listen and perhaps ask questions. I think this is what real spiritual communities offer to folks: a safe, trusting environment for all of life to be unveiled. It is what all of us desire and deserve.

    Maybe that is a special charism---grace---of folks who are spiritual. Our job is to grace others to feel free to share their hidden lives.