Spirituality of Maybe

I never claim to be an expert on emotions and the emotional life.  In fact, I am not sure I know that much.  But I do deal some with the issue of emotions in some of the classes I teach.  And I have read a fair amount.  I am not a therapist.  I have referred people to therapists because I did not feel competent to help them with emotional issues.  I know I have some significant growing up to do. 

I had an encounter recently which provoked the reflections I am sharing here in this inspirational piece.  I am calling it the “spirituality of maybe.”  That might make no sense, so let me begin to explain and develop.  My thinking was prompted by a question I asked someone.  It was clearly a yes or no question.  And the person responded, “Maybe.”  For example, I could ask if you wanted cream in your coffee and I expect an affirmative or negative response.  “Maybe” does not tell me anything.  Of course, I can make up things and assume I know what you mean.  But that is dangerous! 

Other questions may not be as clearly yes or no.  But to be answered with “maybe” is not helpful at all.  Maybe simply kicks the can down the road.  When we get that response---or even make that response ourselves---we are hampering the situation instead of helping.  Let’s analyze it a little further, because I know I have been guilty of saying maybe.  So my thoughts are self-critical. 

The first thing that occurs is the realization that maybe is not really an emotion.  Anger is an emotion, albeit a complex emotion.  Sadness is an emotion.  Probably disappointment is another complex emotion.  I can understand those emotions and deal with them.  Those kinds of emotion are clear---even if they are complex---and I know how to proceed.  But maybe is not in itself complex and it is certainly not clear. 

If I can make a wild suggestion, I would say that maybe is a political move individuals make.  And I think they can be political without really even knowing it.  They likely would be surprised to hear they are being political.  What I mean by being political is to examine the reason folks answer “maybe.” 

To say “maybe” in response to someone else is to refuse to take a stand.  Yes, I want cream in my coffee is a clear response.  Everyone knows what it means and progress takes place.  Put the cream in the coffee and drink it!  But maybe takes no stand.  The poor clerk has no idea what to do with the coffee or you.  Politically, the clerk is stymied---powerless, if you will.  The poor guy is being set up to fail.  And that is why it is political.  The maybe-sayer has the power---and all the cards.  It’s not fair.  But that may well be the point of saying maybe.   

Putting the best spin on it, saying “maybe” may mean nothing more than I am not clear or can’t make up my mind.  But again, that is not clear.  It would make far more sense for me to say, “I am not yet clear,” or, “I can’t make up my mind.”  In the example of the coffee clerk, that poor guy now knows he waits till you make up your mind.  But he knows what’s going on.  You have owned the dilemma.  To be clear like this is not political. 

I also think saying maybe sometimes is manipulative.  If I can maybe, then I cause the other person to be on the defensive.  They have no real clue what I think.  Sometimes it is like putting the other person on trial.  If the poor guy goes ahead and puts cream in the coffee, I can now yell that it was not what I wanted.  Implicitly I am blasting him for not reading my mind.  Saying maybe puts the ball back in the court of the other person.  You make them act first.  You make them vulnerable.  And you get to sit in judgment.  Again, that’s not fair. 

All this is understandable.  But how is saying maybe a spiritual issue?  Let’s start with the obvious Christian experience.  In the New Testament Jesus approaches various people and says to them: “Follow me.”  Let’s imagine one of the earliest disciples-to-be saying, “Ok, maybe…”  Of course, that would be a disciple whose name we would never know!  They would still be sitting there pondering whether to follow this guy named Jesus.   

Contrast that with the New Testament accounts.  In those stories we read that the disciples, “Immediately left their nets and followed him.”  Those were the guys we know as John and Peter and the rest.  They did not waffle.  They did not dither.  I doubt they knew everything they were agreeing to do when they said, “Yes.”  But they were willing to risk it.  They were willing to become women and men of faith.   

Faith is the vulnerability of trusting.  Of course, you are not sure.  It is the opposite of manipulation and control.  Discipleship is not an issue of control.  It is an issue of faith and obedience and the rest.  That is the spiritual component of not saying maybe.  Saying maybe is not spiritual.  It is the human element of wanting not to take a stand.  Saying maybe is still calculating and scheming.   

To be spiritual is to move to decision.  Spirituality is final an action---a way of life.