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Receiving Grace

Like myself, I am sure most of the people I know grew up knowing we were supposed to say, “thank you,” when someone gave us something or did something for us.  I can even remember some of those early lessons from my parents as they schooled me on the necessity of expressing thanks.  We probably learn it as a social nicety before we learn the real meaning of the expression.  So many times during my younger days, I recall my parents questioning me, “did you say thanks?”

I am not complaining about that lesson in life.  I think it is a good one and, in turn, I tried to instill it in my two girls.  I am sure I sounded just like my own day when I would ask, “did you say thanks!”  Perhaps they found me as annoying as I found my dad with that ever-recurring question.  But that is ok.  I wanted them to learn to be grateful.  

At some point in our lives, we begin to figure it out for ourselves.  When we are gifted, it is appropriate to express thanks.  In fact, not only is it appropriate, but it is also really the only thing we can do.  I see gratitude as the right way to respond to any gift or grace, if you will.  True gifts come as a matter of grace.  We did not earn what we get.  In saying this, I am differentiating a gift from something I get as a reward for something I did.  

I know social niceties require us to be thankful if we receive something as a result of our efforts.  For example, if I win a golf tournament by shooting the low score.  There is a trophy for the winner.  At the end of the contest, I go to the ceremony where I am handed the trophy.  Of course, I will say “thank you.”  But the trophy is not a gift and was not specifically meant for me.  Rather it was the expected reward for whoever shot the low score of the tournament.  Expressing thanks in this instance is a social nicety.

Opposite to this is the experience of grace.  Grace means I got something that I did not earn nor do I even necessarily deserve it. Grace is meant for me---just for me.  The grace might come from God or from someone else.  Saying “thank you” in response is literally the only thing I can do.  Expressing gratitude is a way of acknowledging the grace and accepting the grace with the awareness of did not earn it.  It is not the same thing as luck.  Luck is a mathematical probability thing.  Grace is a gift from someone or from the universe somehow.  There is no probability involved---except in the case of God.

Of course, it is probable that God might be gracious to you.  That is not a mathematical probability, but a result of the loving divine nature.  There is no merit, no desert---nothing here that means you should be gifted with divine grace.  It just is and you just got it.  Now say “thank you.”  And then comes the interesting part.

I speak from experience here and, I know, for many folks who are like me.  I am still learning how to be a good receiver.  In my everyday life I am much better at being a giver than a receiver.  As I analyze that, I can imagine it is an ego thing.  However, I grew up and learned how to frame my world made me think that we basically get what we deserve and merit.  If you get good grades, it is because you work hard and earned them.  “You make your own breaks” is the kind of phrase I frequently heard and was expected to believe and enact.  

No doubt, I heard about grace, but I am not sure I actually believed it.  And I am not sure I felt like I would ever be graced.  I was conditioned to think I had to do something---like the golf game.  I had to be the one who shoots the low score.  But God did not set up life like the golf game.  A loving God who is prepared to be gracious is as concerned for the high scorers, as well as the person who shoots the low score.  Maybe---just maybe---God does not even keep score!

That kind of theology would actually make some folks mad.  In fact, some of us who are into religion think that God surely only rewards those who do the right things or believe the right thing.  Sinners and heretics are not invited to the gathering.  Of course, we see ourselves at the party.  After all, we did it right; we merit it.  We earned it.  We might say “thank you,” much like getting the trophy, but inwardly we know we deserve it.  

That’s not grace; and it is not real gratitude.  If we really get it, then we know we can only receive grace.  Open your hands and your hearts.  Here is the gift.  Receiving the gift is humbling.  You just got it and don’t deserve it!  Our “thank you” is rooted in our humility.  It is not an ego-achievement.  Park your ego.  Saying “thank you” from this humble place grounds us.  It is not an airy thing---we will never be puffed up.

It is an ongoing lesson I am learning.  Learning to receive grace doesn’t actually put us on the defensive.  We are not in charge.  Relax, open up, be vulnerable and actually learn to accept and enjoy.  Because that is what grace actually intends. 

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