I have been a lifetime member with the Quakers, officially known as the Religious Society of Friends. I never minded being called a Quaker, although in our earliest days in seventeenth century England, it was a term used in derision. In today’s parlance they made fun of us. Apparently, when the Spirit really came upon folks, they literally quaked. I suppose that would be funny, if you were watching and had no sense of the Spirit. Maybe I should not claim the name, however, since I am not sure I ever had such a strong experience, I quaked!
I also rather liked our longer, official name. I am actually fond of the word, society, in its original meaning. In today’s language society is such a general, all-encompassing term, it is fairly meaningless. If we talk about the American society, I am not sure what we are describing. In its original meaning, it suggested more of a smaller, tight-knit fellowship. I like that the Jesuits are also a society. Technically they are the Society of Jesus, abbreviated SJ. So when you see those two letters after some guy’s name, you can know he is a Jesuit. He belongs to a society.
I like that my Quaker gang called ourselves the Society of Friends. That was not accidental; indeed, it was very intentional. Early Quakers had in mind that familiar passage from John’s Gospel. That is how Jesus addressed his disciples at that long Last Supper night, as John recounts it. At one point during the evening, Jesus tells those followers that he did not call them servants (or slaves), but he called them friends. And in Greek the word translating “friend” is one of the Greek words for “love.”
It seems fitting that friendship is a form of love. Any of us with good friends would heartily agree. As writers have noted through the ages, friendship is not the same thing as romantic love, but it is a form of love. We recognize how appropriate it is to say about our friends that we love them. It is an important word to me, even though again I realize our society tends to make it such a general word as to become almost meaningless. When someone tells me on their social media they have five hundred friends, I can only smile and think how little they know about true friendship.
This is not simply religious rambling on my part. Recently I have been doing some work for a new book and some upcoming presentations. One of the things I returned to was the long-running Harvard longitudinal study. Beginning in 1938 Harvard has studied of cohort of some 725 individuals. In the beginning that group was a mix of Harvard undergrads and young folks from some of the poorest and most difficult neighborhoods of Boston. They studied everything---parents, physical health, mental health, etc. the study was interested in what contributes to human happiness or, if you prefer, well-being.
The amazing thing is this study has now been going on since then. Every year the researchers would return to the original group to see what is happening. Clearly, this group aged, got married, got sick and so forth. Some got rich, but most of them were middle-class folks. Intriguingly, the researchers are now studying the kids of the original group and soon the grandkids will come into the study.
So what have they discovered. A couple observations are not surprising at all. People who don’t smoke fare much better! And people who take care of their health are likelier to be happier and live longer. Duh! Anybody could guess that, so why study it? One reason is we can now prove it is true. As my friend likes to say, you are welcome to your opinions, but not to your facts. These two conclusions are about as close to fact as we can get. Of course, anyone can come up with some exception, but if you want to make a bet, the choice is obvious.
The one thing that may come as a surprise is how important relationships are---especially friendship. People with friends tend to live longer and are healthier. Again, that seems to make sense, but most folks probably underestimate how significant it is. And I wonder, in contemporary society when so many of us spend so much time connected---but isolated---are we essentially ignoring this important fact?
If I am scrolling through Instagram or Twitter, am I really connecting with friends? Am I actually in relationship? Many folks are busy, but lonely. Loneliness is running rampant in our culture right now. In my own case it feels confirming to something I feel like I have always known. But I admit, it is also easy to get sucked up into the electronic world. It is fast-paced, entertaining and addicting. But it is like eating cotton candy. It is pretty, but becomes nothing!
Jesus was really a wise guy. He knew the power and value of friendship. That is why he called those near and dear to him “friends.” The irony of this passage is that it comes on the last night on earth for him. Perhaps he wanted more than anything for them to continue the bond of friendship after he physically was gone. In and through friendship the little society of friends could continue their community and what would become their ministry.
And ministry as I want to understand it in the Spirit is simply to go forth and make friends---call friends, as Jesus did.
Those of us who have read theology or, perhaps, those who are people of faith and are old enough might well recognize this title as a reminder of the late Jewish philosopher and theologian, Martin Buber. I remember reading Buber’s book, I and Thou , when I was in college in the 1960s. It was already a famous book by then. I am not sure I fully understood it, but that would not be the last time I read it. It has been a while since I looked at the book. Buber came up in a conversation with a friend who asked if I had seen the recent article by David Brooks? I had not seen it, but when I was told about it, I knew I would quickly locate and read that piece. I very much like what Brooks decides to write about and what he contributes to societal conversation. I wish more people read him and took him seriously. Brooks’ article focused on the 2016 contentious election. He provocatively suggests, “Read Buber, Not the Polls!” I think Brooks puts
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