As the Covid pandemic continues, people are now feeling the effects of it. It is easy for folks to name the obvious things we don’t like or have cost us something. At the saddest level, of course, are the deaths that have come as a result of this pernicious virus. And next would be the extensive illnesses suffered by countless others. We see daily figures about deaths and positive cases, but no one thinks this is the real total number. Surely, there are others have had contacted it, but are unreported.
The next level would be the suffering that lost jobs have caused. Often these jobs hit are the least able to bear the suffering. Of course, those in the African American population have suffered the most, with other non-whites dealing with more than their share. Besides the lost jobs, many of us are still working from home. For some this is a welcomed alternative to the office scene, but for many of us, it is not at all what we prefer.
Besides all this, kids are struggling with their own lives and circumstances. The issue of school is huge. And the ability to play, as kids normally like doing, has been blown out of the water. We may not know till some years later what the real psychological toll has been on our younger population. At the other end of the age range, older folks have been hit, often out of proportion to their percentage of the population. And the poor folks in nursing homes have been sitting ducks for bigger numbers of positive tests.
All of this any person can readily cite. I put these first, because they deserve to be first. But there are secondary issues that are also causes of consternation. Families are spending more time at home. While this may be a good thing for many, for others it is a nightmare. If we are lucky to have a big house, great connectivity for online work, etc., then life is good. But if I have a bunch of kids in cramped quarters, life gets snarly. We see statistically incidents of violence going up. People can seem angrier than normal. Of course, it drives us mad that we can’t express our anger at the miniscule virus doing all the damage.
As I have tried to pay attention to my own life and process, much of the above is true for me. If I could kick the Covid virus in the tail, I would be at the front of the line. I also know that on almost any score, I am very well off. There is nothing I have done to deserve the lucky place I find myself. The cost has been minimal, compared to so many others. I am grateful and humbled by it all.
One thing, however, that I have noticed is something I only have been able recently to name. I call it “loosening.” Because of social distancing, masks, and all the rest, I feel more cut off from normal relationships. Even while saying this, I recognize I am blessed with family and friends who wish the very best for me. The pay attention to me in ways I appreciate. And yet, I feel more loosely associated than any time in recent memory. When I teach, the room is configured so that about half the normal number of students are present. And we all have masks. Of course, there is no touching. And then one day, it dawned on me that I was smiling and no one knew it!
As I began to analyze this loosening, I decided I wanted to call it communal loosening. This is the way communities are paying the cost of Covid. I put it simply when I say that we can gather, but we can’t come together. You keep your distance and I keep mine. Effectively, our relationships are becoming distanced. That’s what I mean by loosening. Clearly, the relationships are not being fractured or broken, but they are looser.
As I sense my feelings, I realize this makes me sad. I am not angry, because I understand and accept the necessity of doing it. But I feel sad at the loosening it causes me and everyone else. I try not to take it so far as a pity party for myself. It won’t kill me, but it does cause a kind of death---a death of intimacy that community affords all of us.
I came to this realization sitting in a zoom Quaker worship. There was a screen full of Quakers sitting in silence in worship. While that is another topic, I do believe God can somehow zoom into our midst and be with us as we are electronically with each other. Again, I am grateful for this. And I want to build on this faith in a zooming God. One other thing I realized sitting in silent worship was Covid does not have to damage or taint my relationship with God. The virus is not going to affect this relationship. God is immune to the bug, but not immune to all of us suffering from the bug.
I am going to look for ways to tighten my relationship with God, while I deal with the loosening of community. I give thanks for this realization and for the chance to enrich my spiritual life.
Those of us who have read theology or, perhaps, those who are people of faith and are old enough might well recognize this title as a reminder of the late Jewish philosopher and theologian, Martin Buber. I remember reading Buber’s book, I and Thou , when I was in college in the 1960s. It was already a famous book by then. I am not sure I fully understood it, but that would not be the last time I read it. It has been a while since I looked at the book. Buber came up in a conversation with a friend who asked if I had seen the recent article by David Brooks? I had not seen it, but when I was told about it, I knew I would quickly locate and read that piece. I very much like what Brooks decides to write about and what he contributes to societal conversation. I wish more people read him and took him seriously. Brooks’ article focused on the 2016 contentious election. He provocatively suggests, “Read Buber, Not the Polls!” I think Brooks puts
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