I was presenting a seminar recently where I mentioned trust. Trust, or faith, is one of the classical virtues about which I have written. Certainly, people who are spiritual know something about faith and the life of faith. When I am dealing with people in business or other venues like that, typically I switch to trust language. For some folks, to talk about faith is the last thing they want to do. They may have had a bad experience with a church or who knows what. I prefer to use trust and faith synonymously, but I know others will differentiate those words. For the purposes of this inspirational piece, just know I am using them to mean the same thing.
Often, I contrast trust and manipulation. If I can manipulate you, then I don’t have to trust you. By manipulating you, I can make you do what I want. Even worse, I can coerce you. I may be stronger than you are or smarter or something like that. So, I coerce you into doing that or saying this. Of course, none of us want to be manipulated or coerced. When this happens, we normally are not happy. We feel used and violated.
The nice thing about the word, trust, is we can use it as a noun or as a verb. I can talk about having trust in my daughter. To have trust usually points to some experience, so that we can count on the other person. To have trust means I don’t worry about her. If she says she will do something, she does it. Even though I trust her, I realize it is not the same thing as a guarantee.
I also use trust as a verb. I tell students I really like verbs. They are action words. Verbs do things, cause things and make things happen. Before I use trust as a noun, I usually have to use it as a verb---I have to trust you. Sometimes trust makes me a little queasy. If it is a new person I am being asked to trust, I feel queasy because I cannot be sure that it makes sense. But that’s the nature of trust. We risk something. Trust makes us feel vulnerable. That is precisely why some folks turn to manipulation---they don’t want to be vulnerable.
As I present this stuff, I thought the group was receiving it and understanding it. And then one woman asked a follow up question. She said that she wanted a little more detail about how trust works? That’s a fair question. In effect, she was asking, “so, how do you actually do it?” I have done a fair amount of reading, so I had a ready answer. I decided to use a little device to help me remember some details. It comes from a little article by Betsy Allen Manning. She describes it as five elements of trust.
The first element is transparency. To trust is to be willing to be transparent. It means to show yourself. Clearly, this is linked to being vulnerable. We don’t cover up or attempt to deceive. I think this is especially true for leaders to be transparent. This easily leads to the second element, namely, respect. Respect means to have regard for the other person. It means to listen to them and value their perspective. Respect is what manipulation never bothers to do. If I can manipulate you, why bother respecting? The word, respect, really means something about the way you look at someone. They are worth something in their own right.
The third element of trust is particularly important for groups and teams. It has to do with unity. Unity is not the same thing as conformity. Unity strives to have us in relationship through trust, but not necessarily making us into robots. When I translate this into spiritual terms, it means that we are all created in the image of God, but that does not mean we are all product of a cookie cutter! We have our individuality and uniqueness.
The fourth element maintains that trust shows care. Care is such a simple idea, but it is only an idea until you actually care. There might be a million ways to show care, but so many people would settle for one or two. Too often in its own way, our world and culture tell us it couldn’t care less. When someone tells us that---in word or deed---we better duck. That is not good news. To care is a powerful gesture of recognition, reaching out and inclusion. It tells someone that they matter and they have value. To be cared for is one of the basic and most wonderful experiences of all.
Finally, the focus of the fifth element of care by Manning has to do with trust exercises. I don’t really like that focus, so I shift it to time. To trust takes some time. As a noun, trust develops over time. Normally, trust is not immediate. And we all know that we can lose trust. Restoring trust takes time---sometimes a great deal of time. Therefore, time is a crucial element of trust as I understand it.
Although I have not said much about spirituality here, it is all over the place. When we have faith in God, I would argue all of the stuff talked about here comes into play. And if God has faith in me and trusts me, then God has chosen to become vulnerable. How many times have I given God reason not to trust me? And yet, I hope that the trust can be restored. In this sense, trust is always in process. Just because of its nature, trust can never be “locked in,” as if nothing could possibly mess it up.
I can be very confident in my trust---of God and other people. But it is never guaranteed. That’s trust and why we are always building trust.
Often, I contrast trust and manipulation. If I can manipulate you, then I don’t have to trust you. By manipulating you, I can make you do what I want. Even worse, I can coerce you. I may be stronger than you are or smarter or something like that. So, I coerce you into doing that or saying this. Of course, none of us want to be manipulated or coerced. When this happens, we normally are not happy. We feel used and violated.
The nice thing about the word, trust, is we can use it as a noun or as a verb. I can talk about having trust in my daughter. To have trust usually points to some experience, so that we can count on the other person. To have trust means I don’t worry about her. If she says she will do something, she does it. Even though I trust her, I realize it is not the same thing as a guarantee.
I also use trust as a verb. I tell students I really like verbs. They are action words. Verbs do things, cause things and make things happen. Before I use trust as a noun, I usually have to use it as a verb---I have to trust you. Sometimes trust makes me a little queasy. If it is a new person I am being asked to trust, I feel queasy because I cannot be sure that it makes sense. But that’s the nature of trust. We risk something. Trust makes us feel vulnerable. That is precisely why some folks turn to manipulation---they don’t want to be vulnerable.
As I present this stuff, I thought the group was receiving it and understanding it. And then one woman asked a follow up question. She said that she wanted a little more detail about how trust works? That’s a fair question. In effect, she was asking, “so, how do you actually do it?” I have done a fair amount of reading, so I had a ready answer. I decided to use a little device to help me remember some details. It comes from a little article by Betsy Allen Manning. She describes it as five elements of trust.
The first element is transparency. To trust is to be willing to be transparent. It means to show yourself. Clearly, this is linked to being vulnerable. We don’t cover up or attempt to deceive. I think this is especially true for leaders to be transparent. This easily leads to the second element, namely, respect. Respect means to have regard for the other person. It means to listen to them and value their perspective. Respect is what manipulation never bothers to do. If I can manipulate you, why bother respecting? The word, respect, really means something about the way you look at someone. They are worth something in their own right.
The third element of trust is particularly important for groups and teams. It has to do with unity. Unity is not the same thing as conformity. Unity strives to have us in relationship through trust, but not necessarily making us into robots. When I translate this into spiritual terms, it means that we are all created in the image of God, but that does not mean we are all product of a cookie cutter! We have our individuality and uniqueness.
The fourth element maintains that trust shows care. Care is such a simple idea, but it is only an idea until you actually care. There might be a million ways to show care, but so many people would settle for one or two. Too often in its own way, our world and culture tell us it couldn’t care less. When someone tells us that---in word or deed---we better duck. That is not good news. To care is a powerful gesture of recognition, reaching out and inclusion. It tells someone that they matter and they have value. To be cared for is one of the basic and most wonderful experiences of all.
Finally, the focus of the fifth element of care by Manning has to do with trust exercises. I don’t really like that focus, so I shift it to time. To trust takes some time. As a noun, trust develops over time. Normally, trust is not immediate. And we all know that we can lose trust. Restoring trust takes time---sometimes a great deal of time. Therefore, time is a crucial element of trust as I understand it.
Although I have not said much about spirituality here, it is all over the place. When we have faith in God, I would argue all of the stuff talked about here comes into play. And if God has faith in me and trusts me, then God has chosen to become vulnerable. How many times have I given God reason not to trust me? And yet, I hope that the trust can be restored. In this sense, trust is always in process. Just because of its nature, trust can never be “locked in,” as if nothing could possibly mess it up.
I can be very confident in my trust---of God and other people. But it is never guaranteed. That’s trust and why we are always building trust.
Comments
Post a Comment