Of the many themes I have written about over many years now, I am surprised I have never written about complaining. I have done some complaining in my days and I certainly have heard many complaints from many people. Sometimes they were complaining about me—but I didn’t hear those. I just heard about them!
And that’s just the nature of complaining. Most of the time, we don’t do it in the presence of the one about whom we are complaining. That is what makes it indirect---and usually ineffective. But more about that in a minute. The point to be made here is complaining seems to be a universal phenomenon. I have lived in a couple other countries and I know it happens there, too. So without scientific research, I am going to assume it happens all over the world. Maybe the North Koreans have squelched it, but I doubt it!
Complaining happens when we feel like something has gone wrong. Often this means we complain because things did not go the way we wanted it to go. Sadly, I know this has been the case for me. This assumes, of course, that I knew a much better way to do something. Maybe that is true, but there is not any likelihood that I could have done better. But that does not satisfy me. I grump about it.
If you were to look up the list of synonyms for complaining, they are interesting. And you don’t want to be called or accused of any of them. Grumpy is a favorite of mine. Grumpy is the person who has become so good at complaining, it is now part of that person’s nature. He or she becomes Grumpy. To grumble is another good one. Grumbling is like a low-grade fever. It is not enough to get you down, but it sure drags you in the process. When grumbling is going on, you are not operating at any kind of efficiency.
Maybe my favorite is murmur. This is what the Israelites did in the wilderness. God liberated them from their bondage in Egypt, but then they complained. God dumped us in this wilderness! Not good food, tough living conditions. They complained that it was better than that back in prison. God is blamed, not celebrated.
To grouse is another good one. Somehow grousing seems a little more sophisticated! It means to complain with a big vocabulary. To whine is another one that fits kids and people who are childish. I have heard this in the sports’ world with frequency. Someone thinks they are the star and don’t get treated like royalty becomes a whiner. That makes things a lot of fun for the coach and teammates. Only the prima donna knows he or she is a pain in the butt.
Frequently the complaints come from a perspective of being powerless or, at least, weak. We can’t do anything about our situation, so we complain. This is often accompanied by blaming someone for our situation. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you,” I can rage. Someone has it out for me or is just plain stupid. Worse yet, the other person is selfish or greedy and I complain I don’t get my fair share. Complainers feel like they have been somehow ripped off.
Complaining feels pretty good in the moment. Venting is a form of complaining. Complaining
comes out of a feeling and feelings have energy. Complaining lets out the energy. And momentarily that feels good. The problem is: it never fixes anything or makes anything different or better. It is an action with no consequence. It is always a waste of time. Wow, I think. It uses our energy, but to no good end. That about which we complain typically does not change the thing which is the object of our complaint. And this can only heighten the process---more complaints!
As indicated, it never changes anything, because complaining is misdirected. It uses energy in a sideways fashion. That points to the solution. There is a way to express yourself in a way that can make a difference. Let’s pursue that briefly. The best thing to do it take your concern directly to your perceived problem. It might be the boss or a co-worker. Maybe it is your spouse. It could be God.
Be careful of all the excuses why you can’t do it. People feel they are too weak, too scared, etc. They decide ahead of time, it won’t do any good. You can write the next few sentences, just as I can. This itself becomes another object of complaint. I would yell at God, “but it wouldn’t do any good!”
I think complaining is a lot like gossip. Folks know it is not good, but they don’t want to give it up. In a perverse way, it does make us feel good. And in some cases, it is fun. We find a group and everybody has a blast complaining. Temporarily, they feel empowered only to find reality has not been changed. Even God hung in there and led the people on to their newly appointed place. And we know that story. Their promised land became someone else’s problem!
I want to get better. I want to be more spiritual. I am sure I can do it if I give up complaining.
And that’s just the nature of complaining. Most of the time, we don’t do it in the presence of the one about whom we are complaining. That is what makes it indirect---and usually ineffective. But more about that in a minute. The point to be made here is complaining seems to be a universal phenomenon. I have lived in a couple other countries and I know it happens there, too. So without scientific research, I am going to assume it happens all over the world. Maybe the North Koreans have squelched it, but I doubt it!
Complaining happens when we feel like something has gone wrong. Often this means we complain because things did not go the way we wanted it to go. Sadly, I know this has been the case for me. This assumes, of course, that I knew a much better way to do something. Maybe that is true, but there is not any likelihood that I could have done better. But that does not satisfy me. I grump about it.
If you were to look up the list of synonyms for complaining, they are interesting. And you don’t want to be called or accused of any of them. Grumpy is a favorite of mine. Grumpy is the person who has become so good at complaining, it is now part of that person’s nature. He or she becomes Grumpy. To grumble is another good one. Grumbling is like a low-grade fever. It is not enough to get you down, but it sure drags you in the process. When grumbling is going on, you are not operating at any kind of efficiency.
Maybe my favorite is murmur. This is what the Israelites did in the wilderness. God liberated them from their bondage in Egypt, but then they complained. God dumped us in this wilderness! Not good food, tough living conditions. They complained that it was better than that back in prison. God is blamed, not celebrated.
To grouse is another good one. Somehow grousing seems a little more sophisticated! It means to complain with a big vocabulary. To whine is another one that fits kids and people who are childish. I have heard this in the sports’ world with frequency. Someone thinks they are the star and don’t get treated like royalty becomes a whiner. That makes things a lot of fun for the coach and teammates. Only the prima donna knows he or she is a pain in the butt.
Frequently the complaints come from a perspective of being powerless or, at least, weak. We can’t do anything about our situation, so we complain. This is often accompanied by blaming someone for our situation. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you,” I can rage. Someone has it out for me or is just plain stupid. Worse yet, the other person is selfish or greedy and I complain I don’t get my fair share. Complainers feel like they have been somehow ripped off.
Complaining feels pretty good in the moment. Venting is a form of complaining. Complaining
comes out of a feeling and feelings have energy. Complaining lets out the energy. And momentarily that feels good. The problem is: it never fixes anything or makes anything different or better. It is an action with no consequence. It is always a waste of time. Wow, I think. It uses our energy, but to no good end. That about which we complain typically does not change the thing which is the object of our complaint. And this can only heighten the process---more complaints!
As indicated, it never changes anything, because complaining is misdirected. It uses energy in a sideways fashion. That points to the solution. There is a way to express yourself in a way that can make a difference. Let’s pursue that briefly. The best thing to do it take your concern directly to your perceived problem. It might be the boss or a co-worker. Maybe it is your spouse. It could be God.
Be careful of all the excuses why you can’t do it. People feel they are too weak, too scared, etc. They decide ahead of time, it won’t do any good. You can write the next few sentences, just as I can. This itself becomes another object of complaint. I would yell at God, “but it wouldn’t do any good!”
I think complaining is a lot like gossip. Folks know it is not good, but they don’t want to give it up. In a perverse way, it does make us feel good. And in some cases, it is fun. We find a group and everybody has a blast complaining. Temporarily, they feel empowered only to find reality has not been changed. Even God hung in there and led the people on to their newly appointed place. And we know that story. Their promised land became someone else’s problem!
I want to get better. I want to be more spiritual. I am sure I can do it if I give up complaining.
Comments
Post a Comment