The simple graces are riveted in my mind. I can hear my dad and mom still asking me those questions. “Did you say please?” “Did you tell them ‘thank you?’” And on went the courtesy lessons, as I might call them now. I do not know that I really cared whether I said “please” or “thank you,” but I did care not to make my folks unhappy with me. It was one of those deals where happy parents were the primary thing and if “please” and “thank you” did the trick, then doing the trick seemed like the right way to go!
This early lesson probably came when I was only three or four years old. Logic was a skill that was only in its baby form. As I grew a little older, I began to make some connections to why saying, “please,” was a good thing to do. In my adult logic, I can offer at least two good reasons for saying “please.” In the first place, it has utilitarian value. That means we actually have a better chance to get what we want if we say “please!” And in the second place, saying “please” has social value. What this means is the social fabric of our relationships are nurtured by this kind of social grace. If I say “please” when I am wanting something, it is more likely you and others will say “please” when you want something from me.
If we go to the root of the word, please, we get to the idea of “wish” or “want.” It is easy to think of the phrase, “if you please.” One could just as easily say, “if you want.” I think of this as the normal usage. Of course, the petition, “please,” in its extreme form can suggest “begging.” However, I think when it means begging, we usually hear it more in the form of “pleeeeaaaaase!” In most cases when we say “please,” we are not desperate.
It really is a simple concept, but I fear it is not as important in our culture as it was when I was a kid. Maybe this is merely the lamentation of an old guy, but in an increasingly technological driven society, face-to-face social graces are more threatened. “Please” is much more gracious than alternative phrases (or implications) such as “just do it” or “give me.” “Please” expresses my wants or wishes; it is not command or demand!
And now I purposely am turning a corner. I am not sure I have had this insight until recently. I now see the connection between the words “please” and “pleasure.” And that is remarkable to me! Knowing that, however, makes so much sense. If I am experiencing pleasure, more than likely it is rooted in something “pleasing.” Knowing this leads me to some significant insights.
If I ask you for something, I will say, “please.” That means I hope you will give me the pleasure of my petition. If authentic, “Please” is truly a request. You could say “No”…or imply the negative. “If you please” is a request of the future. “No” is denial of a future!
This is interesting, but what is spiritual about any of it? The easiest connection is prayer. I understand prayer as my connection to the Holy One. Although I may not actually say, “please,” I am implying “if you please.” I invite you to see a basic form of prayer to go something like this: “Holy One, if you please…” And if the Holy One so pleases, then surely there is some form of pleasure in store for us.
It may not be the pleasure of earthly or material proportions, but it surely will be pleasure of spiritual proportions. It will deliver meaning and purpose and deep contentment. And this leads me to one more insight.
Verbalizing “please” is a good thing. But if we can somehow turn this verbalizing into an attitude or, even, a way of life, what pleasures are in store for us! Such a simple concept---such a profound outcome!
This early lesson probably came when I was only three or four years old. Logic was a skill that was only in its baby form. As I grew a little older, I began to make some connections to why saying, “please,” was a good thing to do. In my adult logic, I can offer at least two good reasons for saying “please.” In the first place, it has utilitarian value. That means we actually have a better chance to get what we want if we say “please!” And in the second place, saying “please” has social value. What this means is the social fabric of our relationships are nurtured by this kind of social grace. If I say “please” when I am wanting something, it is more likely you and others will say “please” when you want something from me.
If we go to the root of the word, please, we get to the idea of “wish” or “want.” It is easy to think of the phrase, “if you please.” One could just as easily say, “if you want.” I think of this as the normal usage. Of course, the petition, “please,” in its extreme form can suggest “begging.” However, I think when it means begging, we usually hear it more in the form of “pleeeeaaaaase!” In most cases when we say “please,” we are not desperate.
It really is a simple concept, but I fear it is not as important in our culture as it was when I was a kid. Maybe this is merely the lamentation of an old guy, but in an increasingly technological driven society, face-to-face social graces are more threatened. “Please” is much more gracious than alternative phrases (or implications) such as “just do it” or “give me.” “Please” expresses my wants or wishes; it is not command or demand!
And now I purposely am turning a corner. I am not sure I have had this insight until recently. I now see the connection between the words “please” and “pleasure.” And that is remarkable to me! Knowing that, however, makes so much sense. If I am experiencing pleasure, more than likely it is rooted in something “pleasing.” Knowing this leads me to some significant insights.
If I ask you for something, I will say, “please.” That means I hope you will give me the pleasure of my petition. If authentic, “Please” is truly a request. You could say “No”…or imply the negative. “If you please” is a request of the future. “No” is denial of a future!
This is interesting, but what is spiritual about any of it? The easiest connection is prayer. I understand prayer as my connection to the Holy One. Although I may not actually say, “please,” I am implying “if you please.” I invite you to see a basic form of prayer to go something like this: “Holy One, if you please…” And if the Holy One so pleases, then surely there is some form of pleasure in store for us.
It may not be the pleasure of earthly or material proportions, but it surely will be pleasure of spiritual proportions. It will deliver meaning and purpose and deep contentment. And this leads me to one more insight.
Verbalizing “please” is a good thing. But if we can somehow turn this verbalizing into an attitude or, even, a way of life, what pleasures are in store for us! Such a simple concept---such a profound outcome!
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