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Happiness is a Gift

As I was listening to a friend talk yesterday, I was struck by one of his sentences.  He was making some comments on the theme of happiness.  I don’t know anyone who does not want to be happy.  Of course, many of us are not happy.  Some of us might not even know what it would take to make us happy.

And there perhaps is the first rub.  I am not really sure anyone else can “make” someone happy.  No doubt, if you do what I want you to do, that raises the chances I will be happy.  For sure, if you give me what I want, that also increases the chances I will be happy.  That is probably why so many of us go around looking for people to do what we want and to give us what we want.  And I don’t doubt for a moment that many people are happy when they get what they want.  It is better than getting what we don’t want!

We also know that our happiness tends to be elusive.  If I am happy today, that does not guarantee happiness tomorrow.  In fact, if I am happy in the morning, the afternoon and evening are not even locked into happiness.  Frequently, it does not take much to mess up happiness!

The first thing my friend insisted upon made me think.  He said something to the effect that “happiness is not our possession.”  One’s first impulse might be to disagree.  After all, it is easy to use the possessive pronoun, “my” happiness.  If it is not “mine,” whose happiness is it?  But I don’t think he meant it this way.  Of course, if I am happy, it is “my” happiness in the sense that happiness describes my mood.

But it is not “mine,” possessively speaking, like a commodity.  If you are not familiar with that business term, a commodity is something like oil or corn or even bread.  Commodities tend to be things.  You can get things; anyone can get things.  Happiness is not a thing, however.  You cannot go to Wal-Mart and buy some of those happiness things!

And then came the line from my friend that I found arresting.  Indeed, “happiness is not something you possess, but what you give.”  When I hear something like that, I know I need to ponder it.  “Happiness is what you give.”  I do think at a deeper, lasting level this is true.

I don’t doubt that I can be happy if I get what I want.  But this tends to be too dependent.  My happiness is dependent on someone or something else.  If I do not keep getting happiness, I am sad…or mad!  But if happiness is what I give, I am independent.  I can give happiness whenever and to whomever I want.  It might even be true that the more I give, the happier I’ll be.

Now I have done enough giving, I am tempted to think that is true.  And it is true that I don’t have to be a continuous giver to be continuously happy.  I can give you some attention and care and you might well be happy for a period of time.  You do not need it hourly.  That would be dependency.

It is clear to me that love is the chief source of this kind of happiness.  If I find people and occasions to give love, I run the risk of being extremely happy.  Love is not a commodity (except at Valentine’s Day!).  If I love you, I am happy without any dependency on how you receive my love.

I think this is the secret of Divine Love.  By nature God is loving.  God wants the very best from us…wants us to be loving, too.  But God is not dependent upon our receiving that love.  Nor is God something less if we say “No” to that love.  So I guess that makes God happy regardless of any one of us being a jerk!

And I think this is the secret of human love.  If we love, happiness is ours.  Happiness is a gift!

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