It was just a lunch.
It was just a time to catch up, see what's been happening and what the
future holds. That was the plan for an
encounter with a friend of mine who also happened to be a student from the
past. It was something I looked forward
to doing. I feel very lucky. Often I have quipped, after my own kids, the
students who have been part of my life are the best thing that has happened to
me. I have been richly blessed.
A chance to get together to have lunch and catch up was just
another opportunity to be with someone I have watched grow, mature and begin to
blossom. We always hope that for our own
kids. And I have hoped it for so many
students I have known through the decades.
That part never gets old. It
happened for me when I was younger. It
happened for my own kids. And it happens
for so many students whom I have known.
It would be easy to write this and dismiss it as part of the
human saga. But it is not a guarantee of
the human saga. Of course people grow up
physically. No one gets stuck at the
same size at year one. But there are not
guarantees when it comes to emotional maturing.
And for sure, there is no predictable pattern for spiritual growth. So many times I have seen physically mature
people who are still emotional teenagers and spiritual infants!
I would like to focus on the spiritual maturing. Of the three (physical, emotional and
spiritual), this is the one that is least likely simply to develop on its
own. In most cases, spiritual maturing
requires some mentoring. Many people use
the language of “mentor,” but have no clue the origin of that idea. Let’s take a quick look at where this
“mentoring” language originates.
The idea is traced back to Homer’s classic, the
Odyssey. Mentor was a friend of
Odysseus, for whom the mythological book is named. As Odysseus prepared to go to the Trojan War,
he appointed his friend, Mentor, to advise and tutor his son, Telemachus. Hence the term, mentor, has come into our
language to describe an older person who advises and offers wisdom to one
younger. It can also describe the role a
person who is very competent in something plays in teaching a less competent
person.
Another term I like to use for the mentor is sage. A sage is a wise person. This is how I see the mentor. He or she is a sage…a wise person. The mentor is happy to be with a younger,
less competent person to impart some wisdom, to offer some encouragement, and
to share hopes for everything the younger one can become.
I am eternally grateful to those in my earlier years who
were spiritual mentors to me. There were
a couple very special people. But it is
not always some person. Sometimes the
mentors are people of the past. The
Biblical tradition has been a spiritual mentor for centuries. Who has not been helped by the story of David
and Jonathan’s friendship? Mary, the
mother of Jesus, has been mentor to countless billions of people through the
ages. I have been mentored by the saints
of the Church. And for me, the mentoring
process is not limited to Christianity.
A number of Buddhists have mentored me in the process of meditation and
mindfulness. I am grateful.
I am not quite sure when I became a mentor for some younger
ones. Perhaps that is the way it always
is. In order to be an effective spiritual
mentor, you need sufficient knowledge, experience, wisdom and maturity to have
something to offer. It is difficult to
know when you have sufficiency in these areas.
Effective spiritual mentoring is less an issue of education and degrees
and more a matter of having a gift to bestow.
It was at lunch that I realized again I am a spiritual
mentor. I have some knowledge, which is
useful. But I also realize the spiritual
journey is more than knowledge---more than having right answers. I am happy to share some knowledge. But with that I also suggest the younger one
acquire some experience to go along with the knowledge. It is one thing to know about God. It is another thing to experience God.
Most of what I have to offer as a mentor goes beyond knowledge. A significant part of the spiritual mentoring
process entails listening, encouraging and supporting. I think about these as the crucible of
spiritual growth and maturation. The
spiritual journey is not a solitary pilgrimage.
Even if we have to go live our own life, we never do it alone. We need others---mentors and community. They
form the crucible.
Listening is crucial to spiritually mentoring someone. Hearing someone is fairly passive. Listening is participatory and active. As I listened at lunch yesterday, I was drawn
deeply into her story. I listened to her
questions and shared the unsureness, tentativeness and, yet, the ardent hope
for everything she can spiritually imagine.
As a spiritual mentor, I care. That is why it is easy to encourage. Because I want nothing but the best, I can
encourage and support the growth and deepening of the relationship with the
Holy One. The effective spiritual mentor
has no selfishness or vested interest in anything more than the deepest
spiritual experience and life the other can have. Lunch costs me. But the gift I received was just that: grace.
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