Being In It Together

No doubt we have all heard the phrase, “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”  Probably, many of us have used it…or, at least, thought it.  Seldom does the phrase come to mind in good times.  It comes when we feel like we are losing.  Or we watch someone else prosper in ways we think we could or should.  Uttering that phrase often comes in a fit of anger or a wistful lament. 

As a form of speech, I believe it is a proverb.  That form of speech is a popular adage or bit of wisdom.  Proverbs express what most folks would consider true or to be good advice.  But in this case, our proverb, “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,” carries the implication that life is the opposite of what we are saying.  The proverb implies, in fact, the grass is not greener on the other side.  We just think it is.

So if the grass is not really greener on the other side, what are our options?  First, the only real option is to deal with life---with our situation---in the context in which we find ourselves.  Second, there almost always are two options in the context in which we find ourselves.  One option is to find a way to change the situation.  If this is not possible, it almost always is an option to change the way we look at the situation or deal with it.

I am reminded of a story which comes from the early monks in the Egyptian and Syrian deserts.  This story tells of a brother who “was restless in his community and he was often irritated.”  So the monk decides, “I will go and live somewhere by myself…and so I shall be at peace, and my passionate anger will cease.”  The story continues with the monk leaving and living by himself in a cave.  One day he fills a jug with water and puts it on the floor of the cave.  Alas, the jug fell over and the floor is now all wet.  This happens a second and a third time.  The monk becomes livid, picks up the jug, and smashed it to pieces.

I like this turning point in the story.  We read, “Coming to his senses, he knew that the demon of anger had mocked him…”  Actually, there are two key pieces in these words.  The first key is that the monk came to his senses.  I would not go so far as to call this “conversion.”  But it certainly is an “Ah-ha” moment.  And these moments clearly are linked to conversion experiences. 

In a non-spiritual context we might say “he came to the realization…”  However, I do not think this gets at the heart of it.  To say, “I came to the realization,” sounds quite heady.  It is almost like I figured it out.  “To come to my senses” might mean that I figured it out.  Or it might be a little more like revelation in that “it dawned on me.”

The other key point is his awareness that the demon of anger had nabbed him.  Of course, today most of us would scoff at the idea that there is a demon of anger.  No good psychologist is going to diagnose me having such a demon!  I have no problem reading “demon” in a metaphorical way.  My “demon” may be the negative side of me that tempts me to be a jerk or do stupid things.  That demon does not have a red tail, because that demon looks a lot like me.

How we deal with demons is not the crucial insight of the story.  What is crucial is the insight that the monk had when he realized it was not the community that was the problem.  It was he…himself!  He acknowledges as much when he says, “Here am I by myself, and he has beaten me.  I will return to the community.”

And then the concluding teaching, if you will.  “Wherever you live, you need effort and patience and above all God’s help.”  The monk came to his senses that the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence.  Or, we might allow the grass might be greener over there.  But, it is still I who will be over there!  And I will take all my demons right over there with me.

What I better do is stay put.  And realize I need to give effort.  Patience usually helps.  And thank God for whatever divine help comes my way.  If I am in community it might well be my brothers and sisters who become the angels to help me with my demons.